Anger: Vice… or Virtue?

I’ve always been someone who loses her temper easily. Everyone who is close to me know that I can fly off the handle quickly – you can say that my short temper is one of my flaws. I do think that I’ve somewhat learnt to control it – although I agree that I have a long way to go still. Now, I accept that blowing your fuse at the drop of a hat is definitely not a good idea, yes blind fury can be dangerous. However I also believe that the sentiment of anger has received far too much flak. It has even earned a spot among the 7 deadly sins. True, too much of anger is bad – but does anger by itself deserve to be tagged as an inexcusable vice? Is there not such a thing as "responsible anger"?

There are times in life when one needs to get angry. Take for instance the recent public outrage on women’s safety in India. It was only because the people of India were angry at the injustice meted out to one unfortunate young woman in December, that today women’s safety is being discussed at the international level and both the people and the government are atleast beginning to sit up and take notice.

Or let’s talk about the recent news about IPL spot-fixing. Were you not angry that a few louts cheated an entire nation? Your anger is justified. Or when you hear about child sexual abuse? When you see an alcoholic husband abusing his wife? Or when you find out that your partner has been cheating on you? When a rogue hand in a crowded bus sneaks up and pinches you? Should one not get angry? Well, I think you should. You have every right to be angry. You deserve to be angry. 

Some people may ask – what is the point of getting angry? What is it going to achieve? Indeed it is anger that prompts us into action. Whether that action is positive or negative is upto you. When someone passes a sexist comment on you and you don’t get angry, it simply means that you are too conditioned to accept sexism. You need to get angry. But if you get angry and then declare to the world that all men are perverts, that is not only stupid but it is also useless. Instead if you channel that anger and talk about it to spread awareness about sexual harassment, that positive action validates your anger. 

If you are stuck in an abusive relationship and allow yourself to be exploited instead of getting angry that you are being ill-treated, it can mean that you don’t love or value yourself enough. When you choose to leave a cheating partner, there will be nights when you feel all alone and miserable; when the urge to call him/her is eating you alive. But then, deep down, that tiny spark of anger must burn – reminding you of all the times that the jerk has let you down and hurt you and broke your trust. And that anger will give you the strength to help you let go of any self-pity or remorse and move on with your life. 

Or even getting angry with yourself. If you've set a goal and find yourself slacking simply due to laziness, get angry with yourself. Scold yourself . You don't have to put yourself down but you could give yourself a pep talk - by being angry at your laziness - and push yourself to achieve your goal.

In fact, I think more people should get angry. Angry enough to stop paying bribes and to report corruption. Angry enough to vote for responsible leaders and throw out the useless ones who have been looting the country forever. Angry enough to stand up and raise your voice against inequality. Angry enough to question wrong-doing.

People say that we can achieve true happiness when we are not affected by external stigma – but when you read about an 8 year old girl who was raped by a 60 year old man – your blood should boil; you should be outraged; your conscience must be troubled. Even the Gods get angry - Jesus got angry when he saw that the sacred temple of God had turned into a dirty marketplace, Kali is known for her fierce temper and Shiva’s temper is feared by one and all. And if the Gods themselves can lose their tempers, surely we mortals are allowed to get angry?

The Art Of Conversation

You know at times, you have allll the time in the world but absolutely no idea what to blog about. And then at times, your head is simply bursting with ideas popping up one after another – but you have no time to blog! Why does these two have to be mutually exclusive!? Reminds me of a Tamil saying, ‘Kalla kanda naaya kanom, naaya kanda kalla kanom’!

Have you ever had mind-boggling stupid conversations with anyone? I do not claim to be a supreme genius and for sure, I have my own stupidities. But I am talking about chats that are so totally, utterly, completely senseless that in fact, all you can do is shake your head and wonder ‘why, why me?’

Image source: Rotten Tomatoes

Up In The Air

For instance, there I was all set to fly to India. I was going by myself as my husband would join me later in Chennai. Usually when I fly alone, I choose a cozy window seat, snuggle up and read a book. This time was no different. Since I was flying on Diwali, there was not much of a crowd and most of the seats were unoccupied. Sending up a silent cheer, I happily settled into my seat with my nose buried in a book, which happened to be Growing Up Bin Laden (whose review will follow later). A few minutes into the journey, I vaguely heard a man from behind me say, “Nowadays people grab some English novel as soon as the flight starts and simply show off that they are reading something great.”

On hindsight, I guess this man was referring to me. But my senses were so tuned into reading the book that I only vaguely registered the comment, somewhere in the distant background. After a short while, the same voice interrupted me. “Excuse me, madam. One minute can I see the book you are reading?” 

Although slightly annoyed at being disturbed, I said, “Sure” and handed him the book. He took a look at the book and then said, “Wow! Hats off to you madam! At this young age you are reading such amazing books! I thought that you were simply trying to show off with some popular novel but if you are interested in reading such books, then you are simply wonderful. I salute you and your parents!”

Now seriously, I don’t think there is anything to be so effusive about reading that book. I like reading and the book caught my fancy – and so I picked it up. It’s as simple as that. In any case, I gave a small smile , thanked him, retrieved my book and continued to read. But this man would not let me be! He went on to enlighten me about his life, his job, his family and how he is always trying to make his daughter read but she is only interested in watching TV serials. Plus suddenly he said, “You look like Priya Mani (an actress) from this angle.” Whhhaaa??!? I can assure you friends, that I have absolutely nothing in common with Priya Mani! To maintain basic civility, I kept nodding politely while secretly wishing that he’d just shut up. After a while, food was served. Hoping that this would silence him, I dug into the food and returned to my book.

But no! This man had an opinion to offer on everything! He said, “Madam, please enjoy your food. Keep aside the book and concentrate on eating.” Yeah right! As if I was sitting in an upscale restaurant refusing to savour my gourmet meal! It was boxed airplane food for God’s sake! By now I was nearing the end of my patience, which is never too high to begin with. I curtly told him, “No it’s okay. I can manage.” He insisted, “No listen to me. You can read after eating. Already you are wearing specs. Don’t spoil your eyes reading in this light.” I was like WTHHH??!?? This time I replied with a little asperity, “It is my wish. What is your problem?”  And to this the bloody man had the gall to say, “Oh you are answering like this to me. Wonder how you will talk to your husband. I pity him - God only should save him!!”

Exasperated, I just turned my back on him and went back to my book and food. After eating, he continued to try to start another useless conversation – but I pretended to sleep and he left me alone. Our flight journey wasn’t too long and so soon it was time to disembark. Now this man found the opportunity to question, “Is someone coming to pick you up?” When I replied in the affirmative, he responded, “Oh you are all born with a silver spoon, someone will come to meet you. Me? No one is coming for me.” I am a young lady landing in the middle of the night. You, are a 50 year old man. Why on earth do you need someone to come and pick you up!!!???

As he kept on bombarding me with more and more questions, I finally lost it and said loudly enough for people to turn around, “Please mind your own business.” And even for this retort, the shameless creature continued saying, “Ah! This, this is what I like about you. The boldness, the confidence is so admirable. Blah blah blah…”. His voice faded as I stomped off.


If this kind of nonsense is not enough to muddle your brains, here is yet another sample.

Image source: Amature Photographer

Husband = God. In case you don't know, that is Tamil Culture

Someone I know pinged me asking, “How are you?” I replied, ‘By God’s grace, I’m doing good.’  He said, “Why are you telling by God’s grace? You can tell by your husband’s grace na?” I was like, huh??!, but I remarked on a lighter tone, “Because God is above husband!” His response word for word, “Here after u have treat ur husband as a god that is our tamil culture."

If I had had some better sense, I should have probably logged off then and there. But now I was irked. So I continued, “More than a Tamil girl I am a Christian girl. For us God is above everything and everyone. Without God even my husband won't be there. So God is most important.”

“But you are not illiterate. Do talk abt religion caste.”

“Why not? So only illiterate ppl should talk about God is it?”

“No talk abt religion.”

“I believe in my God and I am not afraid to talk about my beliefs. I am not asking you to believe. Whether you believe or not is up to you. But you cannot tell me not to talk abt my God.”

“But from where this religion comes  without Tamilnadu.”

“So if I was born in some other state? Christianity wouldn’t have reached me?”

Seriously what is this guy trying to say??? Can somebody explain!?

“I will always believe god thats what i got good pair.” (No comments!!)

 “Literate people will not talk abt religion and caste. i am educated. dont talk like village girl.” (Excuse me!!!??)

“If literate ppl don't talk about things - then the world will never improve. And who are you to judge what topics literate ppl talk about? You can only choose what you can talk. Who gave you the right to choose what other people should or should not talk??”

“I am educated. I am ashamed of people like you. No can change such people. You are talking like mad.”

(Yes truly, by now I was hopping mad!)

“I live in a free world where I can express my opinions. I can talk what I want to - as long as it doesn’t interfere in another person's business. Who the hell are you to tell me what I can talk and what I can't? Who gave you that right?”

“We are also beliving god, muslium also.”

“So? Did I say that you don't? Or did I say that you should only believe Jesus? I said I believe in Jesus. Thats all.”

“Again I am tellign fortunately you was born in chris. if not hindu or muslim giving respect to husband be a tamilgirl for that no need chris.hindu or muslium.“

“I never said that I don't respect my husband. All I said was that God is above everyone. That doesn't mean that I don't respect my husband.”

“It means that he is serving you on behalf of the god. so you have to give first preferrence to your husband.”

“No one is ‘serving’ me ok? Our relationship is mutual. He loves me and I love him, he does certain things for me and I do certain things for him. He is not my servant to serve me. He is my husband and we are happy to be with each other. So you don't tell me how I should be with my husband. A wife knows her husband best. I know what he wants and what he likes. If you have some philosophy reg married life, you apply it in your life.  Don't ask other ppl to apply it in theirs, because every husband-wife relationship is unique. My relationship with my husband is personal.  You don't need to give your comment on how I should behave with my husband.”

“I will never give second place to my wife.”

And right after saying that, he went on to ask if I have a webcam as he wants to see me after a long time!!!

Right!

So people, how about you? Have you had such insightful conversations too?

Copycats & Smelly Rats

It all started with an innocent tweet

"What a boring weekend...", I thought, while aimlessly surfing the internet yesterday. I had just started getting active on Twitter a couple of weeks back and so was into exploring more about it. Since last week I had started "following" Ameera Al Hakawati, the author of the book Desperate In Dubai, which I had reviewed on this blog earlier this week. She tweeted that her book review was published in one of the leading national newspapers of the UAE, namely Khaleej Times(KT) and I decided to check it out. I started reading the review - and couldn't believe my eyes!! I ran my eyes over it again - and again - but no matter how many times I read it, I still couldn't believe it. What couldn't I believe you ask? The words. They were mine.

Wait a minute! That look familiar!

Was I imagining things? I quickly called my husband and asked him to read both the review on my blog and the one on that newspaper. He did and confirmed my suspicions. The writer had shamelessly lifted half of my review and coolly passed it off as her's! I was so shocked that I immediately replied to Ameera's tweet saying that the review has been copied and she responded saying

AmeeraHakawati 

@annejwrites I noticed that! I thought u two were the same person that's how similar they were! What are u going to do about it?!

Smelling something fishy, I decided to comb the internet for other reviews of the book and voila! What do I find? The writer had cleverly copied a few lines from several other sources - a paragraph from here and a paragraph from there - and there you have it! A full article which you can proudly announce as written by you. I did a quick search on Copyscape for my blog review page and it promptly threw up the other review. Here is a snapshot

 Whatever happened to ethics & standards?

I have heard so much about plagiarism but never thought that I would be a victim of it. Much less, to a well-known national newspaper!! What is worse is that the writer is actually an award winning journalist! I just cannot understand why an award-winning and experienced journalist had to indulge in such deplorable practices. I was not asked permission nor was I given credit, at the least I wasn't even notified. I immediately wrote to both the editor as well as the writer, a Ms.Raziqueh Hussain, but unfortunately neither have bothered to respond, nor has the offensive review been changed or taken down. I too am part of the media industry and I know how much I have sacrificed and struggled to be where I am. Apart from being disappointed with the total lack of journalistic ethics, it is also deeply painful to see my work being misused in such a way.

I did not want anyone accusing me of telling tall stories and spreading false claims and so I took screenshots of the original article as well as the sources from which they have been plagiarized from. Note the lines circled in red - those are the lines that have been specifically copied with a few words possibly changed here and there.

The evidence speaks for itself

The plagiarized article: http://www.khaleejtimes.com/DisplayArticleNew.asp?section=diversions&xfile=data/diversions/2012/february/diversions_february8.xml



The copied introduction:

 A few more copied lines:

    

And finally the major chunk of copied content: 

I know that it is quite difficult to make things out from the above snapshots. So here is a clearer picture:

KT’s Article Extract: At first, the title Desperate in Dubai is quite deceptive. It appears to be one of those yet-another-chick-lit type of book, which it isn’t. Writing under a nom de plume Ameera Al Hakawati’s story is about four women; however it isn’t Sex and the City (which again you might be tempted to think).

Original Lines From: http://bookreviews.bookrack.in/2011/08/review-desperate-in-dubai-by-ameera-al.html

On initial sight, the book’s title is quite deceptive. It appears to be one of those yet-again-another-chick-lit type of book, which it isn’t. Desperate in Dubai, well it is about four women, however it isn’t Sex and the City (which some of you might be tempted to think). 

KT’s Article Extract: The novel is a tale similar in structure to the bestselling novel Girls Of Riyadh. There are four central female characters, chosen “because they represent the kinds of people living in Dubai”.

Original Lines From: http://www.thenational.ae/arts-culture/intriguing-secrets-of-lady-luxe?pageCount=0

The novel is a tale similar in structure to the bestselling novel Girls Of Riyadh. There are four central female characters, chosen "because they represent the kinds of people living in Dubai". 

KT’s Article Extract: The dilemmas of the women are mostly to do with matters of the heart more than anything else — but still this is hardly a romance novel. These four women, seemingly have everything in life, be it money or beauty, and their weaknesses, vulnerabilities as well as their darker sides are exposed.

Somehow you can’t relate to them, even though you might meet some like them. Most of these women spend their time driving flashy cars, flaunting designer clothes and club-hopping, leading extravagant lifestyles, which quite simply, I (and I suspect you too) can’t afford. Having said that, one area that you will find true is when the author speaks of the social hierarchy that exists where the locals are placed above all (understandable, as it’s their country after all), followed by white-skinned people and only then do Asians and the rest of the world come into the picture.

Also, the names of characters are unimpressive. While Leila and Nadia are okay, but Sugar? Who names anyone Sugar, anyway? It sounds more like a candy than a name! Lady Luxe is weird although thankfully, we come to know that it is only a pseudonym.

The book also speaks a lot about the famous locales of Dubai — not from a touristy perspective, but from an insider’s.

Original Lines From: http://abstractadmissions.blogspot.com/2012/02/desperate-in-dubai.html

It was good to read a book which spoke so much about the locales of Dubai – not from a touristy perspective, but from an insider’s. I am not really an expert of Dubai landmarks, but still it was nice to follow the characters around familiar places. Also I liked the observations that the writer has made about general life in Dubai, as I could very well relate to it. For example, she explains how the social hierarchy is structured – Arabs are the all important ones (which is kinda understandable, this being their country and all), followed by white-skinned people and only then do we Indians and the rest of the world including Filipinos and Africans come into the picture. So true! One can almost feel the stigma and this favouritism is quite evident even with employers who specifically state, “Only Western educated candidates will be considered”!

But that is where the similarity ends. My life is in no way similar to any of the main protagonists, who spend their time driving flashy cars, flaunting designer clothes and club-hopping at expensive discs, in short leading a totally extravagant lifestyle, which quite simply, I (and I suspect you too) can’t afford. Having said that, I found the book quite intriguing and the drama involved, pretty racy. The way the author has inter-connected the stories of the four leading ladies and inter-woven their lives is quite appealing. 

The dilemmas of the women, are mostly to do with matters of the heart more than anything else – but still Desperate In Dubai, is hardly a romance novel. It goes into the lives of four women, who seemingly have everything in life, be it money or beauty, and exposes their weaknesses, vulnerabilities as well as the darker side of their characters.

If there was one thing that I wasn’t too impressed with, it is the names of the main characters. While Leila and Nadia are okay, Lady Luxe is weird although thankfully, we come to know that it is only a pseudonym; but Sugar?? Who names anyone Sugar anyway!? It sounds more like an endearment than a name.

The dates in each of the other sources clearly indicate which of these were published first. As a friend told me, Imitation is the best form of flattery and I thank the distinguished Ms.Hussain for flattering me and for making me realize my true worth.  

Quoting a well-known blogger, Shail, "...what makes people not even try to have an opinion, a liking of their own? What’s so great about copying someone else’s work and being praised for it? Even if you aren’t caught by others, doesn’t your own heart know the truth?!"

I don't think I need say more. I rest my  case.


EDITED on 20/02/2012 TO ADD: Good news people! So I finally got a mail from the Editor saying, "...the person in question has been relieved of her services and is no longer with us."
If that is true, then wow! I mean all I expected was them to take down the plagiarized article (which they have done) or give me credit and maybe an apology. Didn't expect someone to lose their job - although I am sure that with her credentials and experience, not to mention the awards, she can easily land a job elsewhere. Anyway so this is how the story ends! 

EDITED on 21/02/2012 TO ADD: This is becoming one never-ending post! Just wanted to say that today the journalist replied to me saying that she had already quit the newspaper and that the article was published by someone else under her name in a bid to tarnish her image. Now, what does one believe!?

Totally Time-Pass Lists #1

'3 Not-So-Nice Things About Me Which You Did Not Ask For':

1. I am a very short tempered person always ready to blow my fuse at the slightest provocation. I personally believe that I have improved over the years although my husband probably wouldn’t agree – but then he did not know me back then!

2. I am very stubborn so much so that I can be irritatingly inflexible. Once someone who was totally exasperated with me said, that every person is as flexible as their thumb. Try bending just your thumb backwards, towards your wrist. If it bends a decent amount then you are supposed to be adaptable. I have no idea if this is true and in fact I doubt it but my thumb doesn’t bend that much at all.

3. I do not like surprises. Whether it is a surprise party, surprise visits or even a surprise gift. I actually gave my husband a list of presents that I would like to receive and he is supposed to choose from that list only.

Just so you don’t think that I am meanie and before you go around feeling sorry for my husband’s misfortune, here are '3 Nice Things About Me Which You Did Not Ask For':

1. I am very loyal. Family or friends I always go to their defence if they are put down by anyone else.

2. I am also very sincere. Work or relationships, if I do anything without sincerity it irks my conscience a lot.

3. I don’t carry tales. I may indulge in gossip a little (Cmon! I am a girl!) but if someone has said something that I know would hurt or offend someone else (believe me, it happens lots of times!), then I am very careful as to not to let them know.

So why did I make this list? Well, no reason except that my husband is out at an office party and I have nothing better to do :-)
I am sure all of you have many better things to do, but still it sure would be interesting to read your lists too!

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

Pissed Off!!

One thing(among many!) that really irritates me, is when people call young homemakers "vetti". Yeahh!! I fall into the "young homemakers" category-else why would I be so pissed!! Duh!

BTW In case any non-Tamilians are reading this, "Vetti" means Jobless/Useless.

There are people all around asking me "when are you planning to go back to work?"
Well the answer is NO WHEN. Now don't gimme that weird look!!
For the past 8 years or so I have been stuck either studying or working in a boring industry and I have absolutely no interest in continuing to put myself thru that torture again, unless absolutely necessary. If, by that it means, that I have to skip a holiday in some exotic location or sacrifice a new dress every month-that is simply fine with me.
My sweet husband doesn't mind, so why should you?!????

So unless it is something I am passionate about or there is a real necessity I don't intend to work for now. Then, this invariably leads to the question "So what do you do sitting vetti at home whole day? Aren't you bored?"

Ahem!! Ahem!! Who the hell is sitting vetti at home?!?!?
If you have seen your mom/grandmom/aunty sitting whole day and simply watching mindless TV soaps one after the another-excuse me!! I do not follow that pattern. And I know for a fact that a lot of my friends don't either.

Actually I find that I do a lot more stuff now than when I was working-things that I enjoy doing. In fact, I definitely do not see most people who work do much, other than whiling away half the time at work, working a little and then coming back home, plopping down in the sofa and exclaiming "Oh! Am so tired!" and refusing to move their butts!!
Yes I do browse and play games on Facebook-yet how many of you do that from office??
So if YOU play from work its called "Relaxation" and if I play from home its "Vetti"??!

There are umpteen number of things to do being at home-I am not gonna list whatever I do here - coz its none of your business-but the next time you even consider calling me or any other young homemaker "vetti"- just STFU!!!