Dilemmas Of A Domestic Diva

I know a lot of people who are career-oriented and ambitious. But unfortunately, due to some weird wiring of my system I don’t fall under that category. So here I am – The Domestic Diva.

I do appreciate the fact that you all out there are busy saving the world from the aliens or educating today’s brats to be responsible citizens of tomorrow or playing dice with stocks and shares or simply writing software for the next model of the mobile phone that I am using now or even pretending to work and reading my blog (Ha! Caught you!). But on behalf of all the domestic Goddesses out there, I would like to state here that we have our own share of dilemmas too! Cynical? Well wipe that superior smirk off your face and read on mon ami(e):

Dilemma No. 4: Which idiot designs the cobblestone pavement encircling the supermarket to be sloping?!?!?! For those of you who know me, I am a poor little petite lady. I find it almost impossible to manipulate a shopping cart loaded with about 2 weeks’ worth of groceries against the slant of the land. It is an uphill task (pun intended) all the way! I step out of the mall and hang on for dear life to my cart, lest it rolls away and bangs into a car or worse on some unsuspecting soul. Recently I was pushing and prodding my way to the taxi stand without much success. A kindly Good Samaritan offered to help and helped me till the taxi. But while I was loading the stuff into the trunk of the taxi, the taxi driver blew his horn and turning, to my horror, I saw my cart rolling down the pavement. Dropped the bags in my hand and grabbed my cart. Thank goodness I was not holding onto the eggs basket! Sheesh!

Dilemma No.3: My nephew plays a game in Kindergarten called Wood, Paper, Scissors. Well I ask you- Wood, Plastic, Glass?? I am talking about chopping boards. Sometime back I was advised to use wooden chopping boards instead of plastic. But on a recent visit to a friend’s place, I saw him using a plastic one. He is in the catering industry and so what with him being the man in the business and all that, I posed this question to him. Isn’t a wooden chopping board better to use than a plastic one? Because if you notice on your plastic chopping boards (if you use one), there would be many grooves and cuts formed while chopping whatever it is that you chop. Which probably means that you add a few particles of the plastic too alongwith your chopped stuff, right?
Well turns out that all major hotels use plastic chopping boards-and what’s more they even have them colour coded-Green knives and green plastic boards for veggies, red ones for meat, blue ones for seafood, yellow ones for ready-to-eat things like cut-up fruits and so on. It seems that since wood has pores in its surface, juices/water from whatever we are chopping may seep in and the dampness would serve as an ideal ground for bacteria and germs to breed.
I am guessing that glass might be a good option-but then if you are endowed with butter-fingers like me, chances are you would break the glass AND prick yourself with the glass pieces too! Not safe! So finally I just decided to settle on wood anyway. I figured that with the high temperatures involved in the Indian style of cooking that I mostly do, all bacteria should be effectively destroyed. Better than eating plastic I presume.

Dilemma No.2: Can somebody please, please, please teach me how to use the can opener?!?!?! I have been trying to figure this out for the past couple of years all to no avail! (Shut up! I am NOT dumb!) Wahhhh!! Back in my childhood, we never had any can openers at home. I remember my mom holding a sharp knife vertically on the rim of the can, hitting it with a hammer and going around the whole circumference of the top of the can. If you lose your patience mid-way and try to pry the half-open lid-stop right there and don’t waste your energy. That approach hardly ever succeeds-you will probably end up with a bent lid, half the contents stuck within the can, not to mention scraping your finger on the serrated edges of the can. Trust me I have given blood all for a few yummy drops of Milkmaid. You got to go the whole damn way! Or they could just stop producing cans which need can openers and instead just manufacture the ones which can be opened by pulling at the hook on the top-like Coke or Beer cans…Sigh!

P.S: Hey BG, if you are reading this I remember that you had written something about this on your blog a long time back... But I couldn't find it now....

Dilemma No.1: This exalted position goes to the ubiquitous question “What to cook for the next meal?” There are innumerable cuisines around the world and a zillion dishes to make. I agree. I could cook that dish that I was thinking of trying out for some time now. Only I checked my pantry (or the fridge) and the one important ingredient for this particular dish is out of stock. Well okay…then let me cook this other dish-oh wait! Somebody (or the other) doesn’t eat this vegetable/meat. Fine then what about this one? Oh no! Not that! I just made that a few days back! Apart from all that, it should also be nutritious and healthy and tasty all at the same time, not too oily or cheesy, not too much of sodium, not too sweet, not too bland, should not require too much effort or money, should not be boring and repetitive, should be different but not too adventurous, should not contribute to the ever-increasing waistlines and love handles, should appeal to the eyes and nose as well etc etc etc!

Okay I hear you say, "Well these are common to both the working and the stay-at-home women!" But then the working woman can always say "Well I am too busy to worry about such trivialities! I have to think about stopping the sky from falling down and the earth from caving in!"
On the other hand, what lame excuses could we domestic divas give?!?

So there you go! Now don’t you agree that the life of a domestic diva is as bad as braving rush hour traffic, handling pesky customers, uncaring co-workers, irritating bosses, ever-shortening deadlines, impossible targets and uninspiring projects!?! All I can say is ….. You’d better ;-)

Image Courtesy: http://www.dreamstime.com/

Classified Info ;-)

Haaa Sundays! Sundays were always lazy days for me back home. Everyone used to get out of bed a little later than usual and are relaxed without the hustle and bustle of the weekdays. Since both my parents were working, the weekdays usually go in a blur and even Saturdays are busy days with some chores to do and errands to run.

So come Sunday, the house seemed lively with people, noises of Sunday programs like Aratai Arangam, Top 10 Movies, Swaptha Swarangal drifted in from the neighbours’ TVs , the vegetable vendors and fish vendors would come calling at the gate with their loud, hoarse voices and by noon the pressure cooker whistles, signaling that amma has made some tasty dishes for lunch and the whole house was filled with a mouth-watering aroma. I used to hover around the kitchen, waiting for amma to offer me a bite of this or that on the pretext of checking the salt ;-) Afternoons were filled by a siesta and evenings were spent at Church. Once night fell, there would be groans of “Oh tomorrow schooooll!” or “Office tomorrow!”

But after moving here, the whole spirit and tradition of Sundays has been sadly lost-because Sunday is a working day here :-( Boohoo! Also since I have to do the cooking, it is not as satisfying as eating amma’s food… My parents are planning to visit us next month and I am eagerly waiting for them! Am sure we will have a great time! Yeah!

Anyway coming to the point, I didn’t mean to write this post as an ode to Sundays. Actually with the Sunday edition of The Hindu newspaper, come a load of supplements, one of which is the classifieds paper.(Yeah and you thought I was going to share some secret with you ;-)) And of particular interest to me was the Matrimonial section. I always used to read it on the sly lest my parents thought that I was searching for a groom for myself. Nay that was definitely not my intention. Rather I always found the matrimonial ads interesting. Some were weird, some were snobbish, some were silly and some were outright funny! One common thread that was present in almost every ‘Bride Wanted’ ad was “Wanted slim, fair girl”! So what about chubby, dark-skinned girls??! India and its fair-skin-favouritism! I suspect that I became biased myself after reading countless such ads-no, not towards fairness but away from it! In fact, after my grandma met my husband for the first time, her first comment to me was “Payan konjam colour kammi…”, meaning “The boy is a little on the darker side…” Okay….So?!?!? Didn’t you notice anything else worthwhile for God’s sake!?!? If only you had opened your eyes, you could have seen that he is also tall and slim and healthy and that he has a great set of teeth and a charming smile!

So yesterday, I was flipping through some magazine when I landed on… you guessed it! classifieds again. Reading the ads there I honestly did not know whether to laugh or cry. Here are a few gems. I am typing them exactly as printed, with my comments in italics:

Wanted Bride:

Hello Girls! Are you searching for honest, sincere and trustworthy smart guy? (Well who isn’t? BTW one of your strengths is definitely not written english!) I am loving, caring and highly romantic guy 32 years searching for good-looking, slim and sincere girl for long-lasting relationship. My hobbies are music, watching movies, dancing, long drives, going to sea beaches (Um..Really would like to know if these”sea” beaches are different from “ocean” beaches?!) and hill stations. Girls willing for committed relationship reply with their details and photograph at: urluversa***@********

Okay firstly the email id sucks big time! And do you also like to do the laundry, wash the dishes, take the girl for shopping, cook, lend a listening ear to all that the girl talks even if they might at times be frivolous?! Because all the activities that you have listed seems to be for a “fun” relationship not a “sincere and committed “one!

Handsome teetotaller businessman desires an extremely beautiful, fair, slim, honest, affectionate, passionate, committed, elite, sophisticated and fashionable female, not interested in issues. (Whew! This person is living in la-la land!)

Handsome, tall young boy travelling worldwide like Kerala and western culture (!), romantic, sincere, caring seeks pretty girls for lifelong relationship or acting on movie/modeling (What is this? Orae kallula rendu maanga?!? Make up your mind dude! )

And this one from Situations Vacant:

Lonely businessman seeks unencumbered, clever lady assistant. Who can also assist in business. (“ A clever, unencumbered lady assistant for a lonely man who can also assist in business?!” So exactly what job is this ad for?!?)

Having said this I know that there are also many sincere advertisements placed in the classifieds. It is upto us to sift and sieve and separate the riff raff from the genuine ones. I really wonder, did any of these jerks above get what they advertised for?!?

Image Courtesy:www.dreamstime.com

Romeos and Majnus…

I often wonder how some men can hit on women publicly without any kinda shame! Especially with the advent of social networking, I must say it has reached amazing new heights. I am sure all you women out there would have received your fair share of unsolicited “do you wanna make frenship to me?” Huh?!??!
I used to think that a relationship status of "Married/Engaged/Committed" would change that but I was mistaken.
Recently I came across a series of comments on some photos of a very cute friend of mine which made me go “Dude for heaven’s sake get a grip on yourself! Agreed the girl in question is pretty but do you really have to be so embarrassingly obviously drooling?!?”
And then of course there are the opening/pick-up lines that you get. A few of my most memorable ones:
Most people who studied with me should know this by now. It was just another boring day and there I was, standing sleepily at the bus-stop waiting for the college bus as usual, when this college-mate of mine walks up and says Hi. Friends had already made me aware of the fact that some sly teasing was going on, what with everybody shouting out his name loud whenever I was somewhere in the vicinity and the veiled suggestions thrown around and such silly things that only college guys are capable of. But this was the very first time that this person was actually talking to me.
So I say my Hi back and we chat for a couple of minutes about some general stuff and then as I wait with bated breath and clammy palms, suddenly, without any warning, he pops the question.
What question you ask?
It could have been a harmless “Shall we go out for a coffee?” or a bold “Could I please have your phone number?” or a flattering “How come you are so beautiful?” or even an absolutely insane “laechi pothama?” (Shall we elope?”)

But no. Not to be.
The question was “Why are your teeth like this?”
Ahem! What on earth can you answer to that?!? Mortification.
(In my defense, my teeth weren’t THAT bad.) BTW I endured the terrific torture of braces for a year and now my teeth are just perfect. So there!! Hmph!

Let us fast forward to a few years later. It is again one of those days when the office bus has gone and jammed itself in the never-ending evening traffic. I am staring blankly out of the window, lost in my thoughts and waiting to get home, when I hear this “I am hungry because of you.”
I turn around and give a “Are you talking to me?” look to this guy sitting next to me and say “Excuse me?” And he says “I was so famished and so I got a sandwich-but now you are sitting next to me and I can’t eat it while making you watch.”
OK now what makes this guy think that I am interested in watching him-eating or otherwise?!? I say politely, “No problem. Please go ahead I don’t mind” And then he does eat while at the same time talking incessantly and boring me to death. Eventually his stop has come and I am about to heave a sigh of relief. Just before getting down he adds “Your earrings are beautiful” Man, Are you gay!!?! I mean come on now! How many men do you really know who even notice let alone actually compliment your accessories- especially without asking??!

I guess growing up, everyone had a few crushes and some secret admirers. Looking back, I remember my very first admirer. I studied in a girls' school and so my contact with guys was limited to family and at the most a few of my brother’s friends who generally never even acknowledged my existence. It was only when I started going to tuitions in my 10th std, in order to prepare for the ever-threatening board /public exams that I actually met a few guys.

Now coming to my first fan. Lets call him G. He was this guy who was also writing the 10th exam but he was elder to me coz he had flunked his public exam (I suspect quite a few times.) He was the one who used to do all the yedu-pudi (miscellaneous tasks) for the math master, like going to the grocery nearby or paying bills. He was always untidy with unkempt hair and a few top buttons of his shirt undone nonchalantly (Why do guys think that this is macho??)

Back then I used to cycle to school. G used to wait patiently in a side street on his own cycle. As soon as I passed this street, he used to come cycling by, overtake me and then cycle in front of me all the while doing some antics-like cycling with both hands in the air or ruffling his hair or standing up and cycling or something of that sort! Ditto when I cycled back home, as well as to and from the tuition itself.
Never once did he actually stop me or even attempt to talk to me. Soon after we shifted home and I have no idea what happened to him. It was all very amusing back then and downright funny to think of now. But yes, he was the very first person who made me realize the astonishing fact that boys could be attracted to me!! It did wonders to my feminine ego ;-)

This is all very one-sided isn’t it? It wouldn’t be fair to suggest that I never had any crushes. Of course I did. My very first crush – SRK!! Shah Rukh Khan!! Sighhhhh!!!!!! Oray lowweeee!!! The first movie of his that I saw was Baazigar and I really cried heartbroken tears when he died at the end :-(

So what about you? Who was your first crush/admirer/fan??

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

"aar u fraam Indyaa madam??!"

There are lots of people who have asked me this question in the past few years.
Recent conversation between a cab driver and me:

Driver:"aar u fraam Indyaa madam??!"
Me:Yes
D: Me aalso fraam Indya!!
M: Okay
D: U know Hindi?
M: No
D: English?
M: Yes
D: I Marathi fraam Mumbai. U?
M: Madras
D: Ohhhhh! Madarasiiii?!!
D: U warkinggg?
M: No, my husband is
D: Ohhhh!!! Kids?
M: No.
D: Oh firrst fiivee yearrs no kids, only husband wife no tension.
1 kid nooo tensionnn, 2 kid nooo tensionnn.
M: How many kids do you have?
D: Three! Fullll tensionnn!
M: Where is your wife?
D: Wife? In country. My wife veryyy verry heavy.
M: Oh, In India.
D: Yes yessss. Verryyy Heavvy and vveerryy sstrongg.
M: Hmm.
D: Not good veerryyy heeavyyyy.
M: …
D: New married?
M: Yes
D: New no tension, Husband come home all tension go.
Veryyyy happpyyy.
Nooo slleepinnn in nighhts. Only workkiinng harrd.
You sleepinng nights???
M: Um yes.
D: Verryy baddd. Now no sleepping. Only workingggg.
Thankfully I reached my destination before the conversation could go any further.
Lol!!

Say Cheeeese!

“Will it pain?”

Well that is an obviously dumb question to ask in my situation.
Obviously if 2 of your teeth are going to be pulled out-it is going to pain.

For the past few days, I was having great difficulty in eating or swallowing or
Talking or for that matter even simply being.
My right jaws were really hurting, from what I first thought was ulcer and then throat infection and then mumps (?!) and then subsequently wisdom tooth eruption-which is what one fake (presumably) doc diagnosed.

After a week of enduring the ever increasing pain and complaining to my entire team, I visited the dentist. And from that day went around asking everyone “Have they ever extracted your wisdom tooth? Did it pain a lot?”
Coz the dentist had said that all my wisdom teeth had erupted long back but 2 of them were facing space constraints-so out with em!

Finally the fateful day arrived and I went with great trepidation.
Anyone who has ever sat in the dentist examination recliner chair surrounded by these alien instruments all making some weird and menacing noises, with people peering and poking down your mouth can fully relate with me and appreciate my apprehensions!

Tears were pouring down my face even as the docs and nurses tried to calm me down.
They gave me some injections to allegedly numb the pain but most probably (I suspect!) to shut me up as I was bombarding them with so many questions.
Slowly my mouth became numb and after forcing my mouth open like a crocodile, in 5 mins – I was 2 teethless!
I guess dentists can never possibly fall in love with their patients…. I mean it is one of the most unromantic and silly positions to see anyone in!!

Anyway then I went home, had lots of ice cream, took my medications and eventually healed. Now I am perfectly fine eating whatever I want to and talking nonsense as usual.

It actually didn’t pain much-but I was soooo worked up and tensed that I even thought about pushing away the dentist and running from there coz I had never done it earlier and was so scared about how it might pain.
Isnt that how we are in real life too?
Sometimes we put up with a lot of unnecessary pain just because we are afraid of the unknown. As the saying goes, we think that “A known devil is better than an unknown angel” and refuse to root out something which gives us unhappiness or sorrow - be it an unhealthy habit, or an unsatisfying relationship or a frustrating job. We refuse to let go due to fear of being lonely or humiliated or rejected.
Of course, any change would be unsettling in the beginning.
But we are so worried about the “what mights” and “what ifs” and “what nots” that we fail to even consider that we might actually smile wholeheartedly after Time has sufficiently spread her healing potion on us.

As I smile now- with my 30 pearls!

Seruppu Sogam:-(

Shoulders squared, chin held high, eyes bright, I stepped off the escalator confidently - slid,skip,slide-balance! One moment I was the picture of the new age woman and then I was floundering to stand still :-( I glanced down at my sandals and there lay the culprit! The heel was broken.I managed to walk safely back to my place and sat thinking about my sad slipper saga.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I have never been lucky with footwear.Except when I was wearing canvas shoes to school, all other footwear have always betrayed me.My canvas shoes used to last for a couple of yrs though they decidedly looked dog eared at the end.But anything else? Couple of months is a big deal! Whether they are from high end stores like Metro, Bata or middle range like Khadims, Durable or Pondy bazaar, T.Nagar platform -all desert me in a couple of months. Sports shoes or peep toes or sandals or cut shoes- with/without straps or buckles or laces or wht not! Nope no use!
How did Cinderella manage to dance with glass slippers??!
And how do all those Salsa dancers prance around with those stilettos?!!

This lands me in the most uncomfortable and embarrassing situations- like when I am running to catch the bus. Suddenly am running in full speed and then am limping along as if I got a sudden attack of paralysis!
Or in the middle of a work day in office. And i need to borrow someone else's even to go to the loo!!!! Shucks!!

My neighbourhood cobbler must have earned his living coz of me.
And I earned everyone's wrath in my home-coz the shoe racks are so full of my shoes.I always keep backups there-knowing how undependable my shoes are!
Ithu pothathunnu comments vaera " Oh maasa maasam puthu seruppa?!! Nee kalakku ma!" @###$%%!!!!!!!!!!!
And this fateful story continues across continents! Shoes I got in UK, shoes I got in US-SAME!!!Gimme a break! What is the matterrrrr???? Scissor feet??! The way I walk?? Agreed I have a..er.. mmm.. how to I say it? Peculiar kind of walk??!!But that cant be cured! So am I doomed to buying 2 pairs of shoes every 2 months??? Boo Hoo!
The only ones which seem to last a little longer are the school girlish canvas shoes or the flippish flappish hawaii slippers-and am not wearing those!!!