Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Men. Show all posts

Saturday, March 10, 2012

The Palace Of Illusions


The Palace Of Illusions by Chitra Banerjee  Divakaruni, is an engrossing and reflective read - which paints the Mahabharat in a relatively contemporary light.

Let me start by saying that I loved this book! There were so many things that I adored about this book – so be warned that this is going to be one long post! The Palace Of Illusions is supposed to be Panchaali’s Mahabharat. Now I haven’t actually read the Mahabharat, but growing up in India, one cannot help but be exposed to it. Apart from all TV channels telecasting never-ending episodes of the great epic, several stories, morals and proverbs form part of everyday life. So although I do not know the nitty-gritty of the Mahabharat, I am reasonably familiar with the story and the characters.

But as the author says, seldom have we ever viewed the Mahabharat from the female protagonist’s viewpoint. She plays such an important role in the unfolding of events, and yet one doesn’t delve into her psyche and analyze her thoughts or actions. Of course, I know that there are a few books that attempt to do the same, but I have not read any. But I did read The Palace Of Illusions – and in my opinion it is remarkably successful. 

The author portrays Draupadi as an impulsive, short-tempered and strong-willed woman, whose life slowly transforms her from a naïve young girl to a mature woman.  Shown in this light, it is very easy to view Draupadi as a normal woman – just like you and me – rather than a strange woman, who had no qualms about marrying five husbands or throwing a damning curse on an entire clan.

Of course, both the author as well as the reader has the benefit of hindsight while reading this book. Hence it is possible to reflect on the incidents that happen with insightful questions as the story progresses. What is admirable about the book is that  though it is not possible to portray suspense - as I assume almost everyone who reads this book would already be aware of what’s going to happen next – still it was in no way boring or dragging.

The story of the Mahabharat, by itself is quite fascinating. The boundaries between divine and human isn’t too rigid, the characters are well-etched with each having a solid purpose and their lives are intertwined by destiny. But going beyond that, I admire Chitra’s language which captures the poignancy of moments beautifully. For instance, when Draupadi ponders over Karna and his unknown mother, she says, “For the rest of her life, she would wonder where her son was. Passing every handsome stranger, she’d ask herself (just as he would, walking by women he didn’t know), Could this be-? Each morning when they awoke – in the same town, or kingdoms apart – their first thoughts would be of each other. In anger and regret, they’d both wish she’d had the courage to choose another way.

At another time, when she thinks about how the destinies of both her brother and Karna, pressed them towards tragedy, she says, “No matter how skilled they were at battle, ultimately it would not help them because they were forever defeated by their conscience. What cruel God fashioned the net of their minds this way, so they could never escape it?” How true!

She wonders, “Can our actions change our destiny? Or are they like sand piled against the breakage in a dam, merely delaying the inevitable?” Whether you believe in destiny or not, if you have ever tried to do anything which seems at loggerheads with it, this quote will surely resonate with you – it did with me.

And if you’ve ever felt vengeance in your blood even for a passing second, so will this; “Is the desire for vengeance stronger than the longing to be loved? What evil magic does it possess to draw the human heart so powerfully to it?

When Draupadi tells us what she learnt after the shameful disrobing incident, I cannot help but agree whole-heartedly; “All this time I’d believed… that because they (her husbands) loved me they would do anything for me. But now I saw that though they did love me – as much perhaps as any man can love – there were other things they loved more. Their notions of honor, of loyalty toward each other, of reputation were more important to them than my suffering. They would avenge me later, yes, but only when they felt the circumstances would bring them heroic fame. A woman doesn’t think that way. … I wouldn’t have cared what anyone thought. The choice they made in the moment of my need changed something in our relationship. I no longer depended on them so completely in the future. And when I took care to guard myself from hurt, it was as much from them as from our enemies. For men, the softer emotions are always intertwined with power and pride.

I am sure that any woman who has had a meaningful relationship can understand Draupadi’s sentiments here. To draw parallels to the world that we live in, even today, there are many men who will gladly help their wives with household chores – because they care about her and see nothing wrong in giving her a hand. BUT these same men, would hesitate to accept in front of their friends that yes, they do the dishes every night or that they wash their wives clothes once a week. Why? It’s because they fear that other people would think less of them, they are apprehensive that their reputation might be harmed and their pride might be hurt. They might have all the good intentions of not doing something; but if continuously taunted with “Why? Did you wife tell you not to do this?”, invariably they give in as it translates to a lack of manly power and control.

Apart from Panchaali, the character which most impacted me was of course Karna. What a cursed, cursed life and what a sad, sad death! Karna is the quintessential tragic hero - and one can never forget tragic heros, can we? And finally, when the great war ends, one does not feel any kind of triumph, jubilation or happiness. We can only feel the sorrow, the pain, the loss and the futility of it all. The Pandavas won. So what? And at what cost? Was it really worth all the trouble and sacrifice?

Although this book is from a women's point of view, I did not think it to be overly feminist. Yes several practices are questioned, but the questions could be from any modern woman of today. For example, when Sikhandi relates his story, he says that when he went back to his lover Salva as the Princess of Amba, she was turned away on the pretext that she was contaminated as Bheeshma had taken her by hand and that she belonged to him now. To this she replies, "If someone grasps my hand against my will, how does that make me his? I'm the one who decides to whom I belong." She goes on to add, "In the sandalwood days of love, I thought that if I could not have Salva, I would die. Now I discovered that a woman's life is tougher than a banyan root, which exists without soil or water."

Another incident which struck a chord with me was, when Panchaali wonders about Gandhari's vow to blindfold herself as her husband in also sightless. "... I agreed that Gandhari's sacrifice wan't particularly intelligent. If my husband couldn't see, I'd make doubly sure to keep my own eyes open..." Many a times have I thought the same thing!

Attempting to rewrite a classic epic is no mean task. Many writers say that a story ‘wrote itself’ once they began to write it. But here, that is not possible. It is afterall not your own creative story that you are writing. You cannot simply go off on a tangent, giving free reign to your imagination. You need to have the facts right and then use your imagination to interpret events and actions within the boundaries of what has already been written. And Chitra has done a fantastic job. I strongly recommend this marvellous book.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Hey Gurl! This ones for ya!!



Friendship Day.
My greetings and gratitude to all my dear friends who have put up with me so far! But this year I would like to especially remember all my girl friends. Generally speaking, due to some reason (I am guessing its coz guys don’t get offended as easily as girls?) I get along much better with guys than girls – surprising actually when you think about it coz I struck up my first friendship with a guy only when I was about 18 (which was my dear friend Pravin). Till then I didn’t know any guy whom I could call as a friend-there were brothers and cousins and acquaintances of course, but no friend as such.

The very first friend I can ever remember is Aruna. I met her at school but I cannot recollect exactly how. I suspect we were probably sitting next to each other in class. Aruna is my longest running friend-its been 23 yrs! The latest close girl friend I made was Sivagami – my petite, curly-haired ex-colleague. People who know me should be well aware of the fact that I am hardly an outgoing or social person. I keep to myself mostly and do not make friends as easily as one would wish. I do not, by any extent of imagination have a large gregarious group to hang out with. But between Aruna and Shiva, I have made a few really great chums, who I hold close to my heart. Some friends I have known for years and some just for a short time. With some, we caught on like a house on fire. And some were indeed totally unexpected – like you, Anu! (U knw tht :-))

I do like hanging out with all my guy friends-it is fun and enjoyable. But I cannot imagine calling up ANY of the guys and asking them something like this “Hey do you think I should wear the pink dress for today’s party? You know the one I wore for Swetha’s wedding?” Can you imagine the response I might get?
Possible reply No.1: Uh huh….
Possible reply No.2: Nope. Don’t remember.
Possible reply No.3: Which Swetha? That hot girl with Angelina-Jolie lips??
Possible Reply No.4: Swetha got married??!! When did that happen?!!!

But instead if it was one of my girl friends “No d! That pink dress has been done to death. The theme for today’s party is Sunshine. So try something in shades of yellow/orange na… Hey I remember you have that gorgeous lemon yellow, off-shoulder top right? The one we got when we went shopping last month. And you can borrow my chunky earrings-they’ll be perfect!”
Now that is what I call a Life Saver ;-))

I agree, of course that practically speaking I cannot possibly call up a girl friend and ask her to pick me up if suppose I get stranded somewhere in the middle of the night. Nor can I ask her to help me carry the couch up the stairs. But for other things of grave concern and utmost priority like
‘Have ABC & XYZ broken up for good this time?’,
‘How do I make coffee?’,
'What is the latest style of jean called?’,
'Why did Surya have to go and act in such pathetic movies like Aadhavan?’,
'Where did Rakhi Sawant do her plastic surgery?’,
’Shall I go for a layer cut or a feather cut this time?’,
‘Why are boyfriends/husbands the way they are?’,
‘Should I wear my dupatta like this or like that?’, ‘Does this black nail polish look hideous?’,
‘Should I get a second ear piercing?’,
‘Am I looking sloshed in this photo or can I send it to mom?’ etc etc etc – nothing can beat gal pals!!
Despite the fact that I do have many guy friends and that I am blessed enough to have a loving family, gurl friends play a very special and important part in my life.

As R.L. Stevenson rightly said “No Man is useless while he has a friend” (I take the liberty here to apply this to Women as well). So here's to the gals – for all the never-ending talks and chats, for the long shopping sprees, for all the good and bad advice, for being with me thru good times and not-so-good ones, for helping me cope when I was down in the dumps and for rejoicing with me when I made it, for joining in the laughter as well as the tears, for tolerating my weaknesses and accepting my short-comings, never judging and for listening patiently to all my woeful tales of misery-imagined or otherwise. A zillion cheers!! May you always find Love and Laughter wherever you are and whatever you do! Muaahhhh!!

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

Monday, July 19, 2010

Romeos and Majnus…




I often wonder how some men can hit on women publicly without any kinda shame! Especially with the advent of social networking, I must say it has reached amazing new heights. I am sure all you women out there would have received your fair share of unsolicited “do you wanna make frenship to me?” Huh?!??!
I used to think that a relationship status of "Married/Engaged/Committed" would change that but I was mistaken.
Recently I came across a series of comments on some photos of a very cute friend of mine which made me go “Dude for heaven’s sake get a grip on yourself! Agreed the girl in question is pretty but do you really have to be so embarrassingly obviously drooling?!?”
And then of course there are the opening/pick-up lines that you get. A few of my most memorable ones:
Most people who studied with me should know this by now. It was just another boring day and there I was, standing sleepily at the bus-stop waiting for the college bus as usual, when this college-mate of mine walks up and says Hi. Friends had already made me aware of the fact that some sly teasing was going on, what with everybody shouting out his name loud whenever I was somewhere in the vicinity and the veiled suggestions thrown around and such silly things that only college guys are capable of. But this was the very first time that this person was actually talking to me.
So I say my Hi back and we chat for a couple of minutes about some general stuff and then as I wait with bated breath and clammy palms, suddenly, without any warning, he pops the question.
What question you ask?
It could have been a harmless “Shall we go out for a coffee?” or a bold “Could I please have your phone number?” or a flattering “How come you are so beautiful?” or even an absolutely insane “laechi pothama?” (Shall we elope?”)

But no. Not to be.
The question was “Why are your teeth like this?”
Ahem! What on earth can you answer to that?!? Mortification.
(In my defense, my teeth weren’t THAT bad.) BTW I endured the terrific torture of braces for a year and now my teeth are just perfect. So there!! Hmph!

Let us fast forward to a few years later. It is again one of those days when the office bus has gone and jammed itself in the never-ending evening traffic. I am staring blankly out of the window, lost in my thoughts and waiting to get home, when I hear this “I am hungry because of you.”
I turn around and give a “Are you talking to me?” look to this guy sitting next to me and say “Excuse me?” And he says “I was so famished and so I got a sandwich-but now you are sitting next to me and I can’t eat it while making you watch.”
OK now what makes this guy think that I am interested in watching him-eating or otherwise?!? I say politely, “No problem. Please go ahead I don’t mind” And then he does eat while at the same time talking incessantly and boring me to death. Eventually his stop has come and I am about to heave a sigh of relief. Just before getting down he adds “Your earrings are beautiful” Man, Are you gay!!?! I mean come on now! How many men do you really know who even notice let alone actually compliment your accessories- especially without asking??!

I guess growing up, everyone had a few crushes and some secret admirers. Looking back, I remember my very first admirer. I studied in a girls' school and so my contact with guys was limited to family and at the most a few of my brother’s friends who generally never even acknowledged my existence. It was only when I started going to tuitions in my 10th std, in order to prepare for the ever-threatening board /public exams that I actually met a few guys.

Now coming to my first fan. Lets call him G. He was this guy who was also writing the 10th exam but he was elder to me coz he had flunked his public exam (I suspect quite a few times.) He was the one who used to do all the yedu-pudi (miscellaneous tasks) for the math master, like going to the grocery nearby or paying bills. He was always untidy with unkempt hair and a few top buttons of his shirt undone nonchalantly (Why do guys think that this is macho??)

Back then I used to cycle to school. G used to wait patiently in a side street on his own cycle. As soon as I passed this street, he used to come cycling by, overtake me and then cycle in front of me all the while doing some antics-like cycling with both hands in the air or ruffling his hair or standing up and cycling or something of that sort! Ditto when I cycled back home, as well as to and from the tuition itself.
Never once did he actually stop me or even attempt to talk to me. Soon after we shifted home and I have no idea what happened to him. It was all very amusing back then and downright funny to think of now. But yes, he was the very first person who made me realize the astonishing fact that boys could be attracted to me!! It did wonders to my feminine ego ;-)

This is all very one-sided isn’t it? It wouldn’t be fair to suggest that I never had any crushes. Of course I did. My very first crush – SRK!! Shah Rukh Khan!! Sighhhhh!!!!!! Oray lowweeee!!! The first movie of his that I saw was Baazigar and I really cried heartbroken tears when he died at the end :-(

So what about you? Who was your first crush/admirer/fan??

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Mars & Venus...

A few years back I used to read books like ‘Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus’, ‘Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps’ etc, elaborating on the basic differences between the sexes.

Now it looks like it is time to actually live through all of that!

Am sure there are many people out there who have realised that men turn deaf while watching TV.On the other hand I remember the hours I have been chit-chatting over the phone or even in person while still following something on TV!

Also what is this constant obsession with Ten Sports, ESPN and any other Sports channels on air?!? I am constantly watching players running around one field/ground/court or the other and always hearing running commentaries, cheers and the constant hum of the crowds, all of which peak when someone kicks a goal, hits a four or misses a shot.
And if it’s not from the broadcasts it’s from the Playstation :-(
This forms the background of my cooking, reading, eating, browsing, sleeping and all other general activities of the day!
Oh no, am wrong. Not always.

Suddenly I hear a hard, raspy voice screaming something unintelligble, a serious of dull thuds and some booming music.

Do you smell what the Rock is cookin?!?

WWE is beyond me.
Honestly.
Just can’t imagine why on earth anyone would want to see one mountain of rippling flesh pummell another mass of meat.
Depressing.

But now its time for a happy thought.

Today is grocery shopping day. Yippeee!

Though I suppose Mars’ and Venus’ feelings on this is totally reversed.
Men just go, pick up a handfull of items that are in the list, check out and exit. That’s it.

I could easily spend about a couple of hours in a supermarket,
walking up and down the various aisles(though I do get myself lost half the time ;-)), looking at what is available on the shelves even if it’s the same stuff that was there last week,ticking off the things on my list and picking up a few that were not on it, roaming around once more to see if anything catches my eye (or anyone for that matter! Hehe!).

And if this is the way I shop for weekly supplies you can just imagine how I would shop for clothes!

I hear that most of my friends’ husbands dare not accompany them for shopping.
Or actually its vice versa.
Most of my friends dump their husbands,take their credit cards and go shopping ;-)

A plan I intend to follow from today!

Off I go,
On my way,
All aglow,
It's Shopping day!!

Ta Da!!!!!

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