9 Life Gyans @29

These days, everyone seems to think that they’ve attained nirvana. The kind of people who spout “life truths” and the kind of gyan that is being lapped up by one and all led me to believe, that I too can spout my own version of life’s “hidden truths”! After a decade of disastrous decisions, surely I can do this, no? Since I’m turning 29 today, I thought of sharing 9 lessons learnt from my not-so-short life! So here goes nothing!

1) Never say never: Many of us, including yours truly, do this. When we witness someone doing something which we opine is outrageous, we are prompt to judge and say, “Oh I would never do ___!” But do we really know that for sure? What makes us so confident? Have we gone through the same situations and emotions that the person in question has? If we were in that same position, God only knows what we would do. Several times, I’ve been quick to say Never! Only to discover a little way down the road, that I spoke too soon. So, let’s not be quick to jump to conclusions – and then find that we have to eat our own words.

2) Love yourself first: I am not asking you to be selfish – but a little self-centeredness is really not a bad thing. Love yourself, treat yourself, pamper yourself, indulge yourself, celebrate yourself, improve yourself – because the most important person in your life is you. And if you don't love yourself first, you can not love anyone else truly.

3) The truth is you only have you to depend on in this life: Yes. Parents, teachers, spouse, friends, colleagues, pets, neighbours, strangers – everyone will come only so far in life. Beyond that, you have only yourself. But, you have you – and that is the most important relationship of all. Nurture it.

4) Get to know the guy/girl before marrying him/her: I don’t have anything against arranged marriages and of course know a lot of happy couples who’ve had arranged marriages. Nevertheless, if possible, try to have a “love” marriage. And I am not talking about the typical Bollywood type of love marriages – boy meets girl, Bam! Cupid strikes, they fight, they cuddle, they sing and dance, they beat up some villains, they get married and live happily ever after. No sir. Spend time with each other, do things together, discover each other’s positives and negatives, learn about each other’s likes and dislikes, grow together, share your thoughts and interests, talk, laugh and cry together, become friends, go on dates, travel together, volunteer together, watch movies, listen to music, read and discuss, fight and makeup, be there for each other, give it time, atleast a couple of years – and then, if you think that you want a lifetime more of the same, then get married. Of course, I agree that it is not possible to know everything about a person but atleast you’ve laid the foundation for a solid relationship, that is meant to last through thick and thin.

5) If it doesn’t work out, it’s ok: Sometimes – well, who am I kidding – most times, life doesn’t go according to our plans. At the risk of sounding cliched, there are no guarantees in life. People disappoint us and we end up being hurt and angry. Let it be. Cry your eyes out, mourn for a while, be glum and dejected and mope around eating tubs of ice-cream. But, move on, after a while. If it is meant to be, it will be; else simply let go. Don’t waste your time, energy and emotions on would-haves and could-have-beens, but don’t regret the experience either. The fact is, every person we meet in our life, teaches us something – about ourselves, about life. Learn from it. Smile and get on with your life. Don’t let bitterness pull you down and make you cynical; open yourself to new experiences.

6) Travel: I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Travel truly broadens your horizons and gives you a new perspective. Travel as much as you can, and see yourself in a new light.

7) Live by yourself: atleast for a couple of years. Fend for yourself, do chores, run errands, pay the bills, wash your clothes, cook your meals, clean your bathroom – learn to be self-sufficient. It doesn’t matter if it was your dad who was doing all this earlier; it doesn’t matter if someone else will do it for you later. Atleast, you will know that you can do all that – and much more – if the need arises.

8) Earn: I believe that every woman should have worked for atleast a short while. Relocation, marriage, kids or other such responsibilities or even lack of interest might not allow you to continue to work. But atleast for a short while, go to work – meet new people and keep learning. Save some money – just for yourself.

9) Have a hobby: So many people complain that they feel bored when they are by themselves. But practically speaking, no one is going to be with you 24/7. That is why it is essential to keep up a hobby – anything which interests you. Don’t give it up – it will sustain and refresh you.

TGIF #6: Life

Image Courtesy: Dreamstime

It seems to me that the very fact that we are alive is a miracle. Every day we hear of some disaster, natural or otherwise, claiming thousands of lives. If one part of the world is hiding from hurricanes, another part is shrivelling with famine and poverty. As if these were not enough, we have disillusioned terrorists detonating bombs or gunning down innocent victims. Planes fall out of the sky, trains go off the tracks and cars crash all the time. Wars are fought with utmost zeal and young people are killed off in the name of honour. All this apart from the other huge group dying natural deaths due to sickness or old age. Whew! It looks like the odds are definitely stacked against living!

And yet I am alive. (Touchwood!) 

When there are so many other promising lives being wiped off the face of the earth, I don’t really know why I have been spared. When my life could have been possibly extinguished in a snap, I don’t know why, God or Destiny or the Universe or whatever has thought that it is important for me to still be alive. And that itself should imply that my life is precious.

Have I ever felt depressed? Yes I have. Have there been times when I have thought, “What is this wretched life? I wish it would all just end” Yep. Have I ever felt that nothing is going my way, that all my efforts are useless and that it is just not worth it? Of course. Have there been instances when I was angry and dissatisfied with life? Sure. How many times have I felt that even getting out of bed needed a supreme effort and that it was much better to just lie buried in the depths of my bed-covers instead? Many times.

I am a kind of person who oscillates between two extremes. One day I love everyone and everything and the next day, the feeling of goodwill has magically evaporated. One day I am all happy and pleased and content and the next day, I can’t stop feeling miserable. One day I am floating lightly humming “I’m on top of the world, looking down on creation!” and the next, I am down in the dumps, bitterly cursing and lamenting my fate. You get the drift – I am not really a well-balanced person. (I am still evolving, okay!?)

But since I have chosen today to be thankful, I have made a conscious decision to be a better person. I realize that I am special – because I have been blessed with a most special gift – a beautiful life. Replete with laughter and dreams. Yes it is not all rosy and enchanted; there are tears, tantrums, disappointments, pain and heartache too. But today I choose to look at the brighter side, at the silver lining. Today, much out of my basic character, I choose to look at the glass half full.

Therefore this Friday,  I am indeed thankful for the gift of Life! Both mine and your's - because without your's, what meaning would there be to mine?

Totally Time Pass Lists # 2: Why Do I Blog?

There are thousands of bloggers out there and no doubt, each has their own reasons to blog. Here are some of mine!

1.Thinking too much: I guess this is one very common affliction of women! I am constantly thinking about something or the other and often having conversations with myself as well as some imaginary people. No no! Don’t worry, I am not schizophrenic! I am aware that these are indeed “imaginary” people! So obviously, if someone seems me ranting and raving to myself all the time, they will come to the conclusion that I am bonkers. But what to do? I need to send out my thoughts or my head might just explode! And so I blog.

2.Appreciation: All of us seek to be appreciated one way or another. Be it our work or the dishes we whip up or the handicrafts we do and in my case, what I write. It feels lovely when someone comments/likes/votes or even simply takes the time to read what I've written. Who doesn't like a compliment, huh? And so I blog.

3.Making Friends: Blogging is an excellent way to meet like-minded people from all over the world with absolutely no restrictions. Especially for introverts like me who tend to avoid meeting new people face-to-face and generally blank out when meeting strangers, this is a blessing. And so I blog

4.Creative Outlet: Some people create something by writing code; some out of threads, yarns and needles and some others out of light, sound and film or paints, brushes and canvases; some even out of waste. I love the fact that the individual letters and symbols that I type, come together so beautifully as a whole, to strike a chord with you, to invoke your tears as well as your smiles, your blessings and your curses and quite simply manages to create emotions and thoughts. “Its only words, but words are all I have, to take your heart away.“ And so I blog.

5.An Album: This blog is afterall a chronicle of things that happened to me and my reactions to them. Often, I go back to my old posts to reread them and reflect on the “me” who wrote it a long time back. In many ways, it is similar to a photo album. You turn the pages and just for an illusionary instant, you can make believe that you have turned back Time itself. And so I blog.

So pray tell me my fellow bloggers, why do thee blog?

Image Courtesy: Dreamstime

Yip, Yap & Yippity Yap!

I was reading an old blog post of an old friend of mine here. And I couldn't stop myself nodding to her words (Although the main subject of her post is something else - which I intend to blog about in a separate post.) She mentioned that she is bad in the art of small talk. Same here. I simply suck at small talk. Don’t get me wrong - by no means am I a silent person; although I may seem so at first, once I get to know someone really well, nothing can keep me from yapping away. Ask my husband or my close friends-they probably have a part of their ear missing by now ;-) I have spoken for hours together over the phone, much to the irritation of my parents. My friends and I have chatted away into the wee hours of the night not even realizing the time. When I was small, my only worry when my parents came to school was that my teachers would complain that I was too talkative. In fact, that was indeed the only complaint against me for a long time.(Oh that and my math skills-but that’s a story for another day.) Many a time my poor mother, at her wits end has snapped “Can you just keep quiet for some time?” My husband on the other hand, just gives me an exasperated look and listens. Well, mostly.

Anyway the point is I have a lot to say. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here blogging would I? But small talk? Uh-huh. I honestly envy people who seemingly, can carry on conversations with others whom they met barely a few minutes back – about everything and anything. Many people have told me, that they often see me smiling. The simple reason behind that is – I have no idea what else to do. I answer whatever I am asked and I might even throw back the same question with “and u?” and nod my head at the answer. Beyond that I am clueless. On countless occasions I have racked my brains to say something interesting. Or just plain something. But no - my mind stubbornly resists and turns up it's nose at me. In fact, I think I have hardly ever initiated a conversation with anyone; it is generally the other person who starts first. I am usually comfortably lost in my own thoughts.

In earlier days young women used to be instructed in the art of small talk as it was considered to be a beneficial social grace to possess. Hostesses who could entertain their guests with their small talk were greatly admired. Hmm... Looks like I need to find out some such course and get myself enrolled in one ASAP.

P.S: I shall hold a seat for you too Neeru ;-)

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

Spooky Pastimes

I am terribly scared of ghosts. No idea whether they exist or not-nor do I want to find out! I have never seen one (Touchwood!) but I have done my fair share of experimentations with Ouija boards and stuff like that. I refuse to watch horror movies simply because if I do watch one, then for atleast a month I keep looking over my shoulder, imagining unknown monsters lurking in dark corners or unseen eyes that follow my every move. Call me naïve or gullible but the fact is that I hover somewhere on the middle ground when it comes to believing in ghosts and spirits. So it is indeed a little surprising that I actually like hanging around in graveyards.

I have never been to a cremation ground but I imagine that it won’t be a pretty site to witness. But on the other hand, I somehow feel that a graveyard is very peaceful. Back home in Chennai, the Kilpauk cemetery is home to some near and dear ones. So it gets a little too personal for me and I don’t really fancy going there unless I have to pay my tributes or to get buried myself. But there is another really old cemetery behind St.Geroge’s Cathedral on Cathedral Road. It was just behind my school and I have spent many a afternoon wandering among tombstones, much to my mother's chagrin!

Once inside the cemetery it is easy to forget that you are in the middle of one of the busiest roads in Chennai. All the hustle and bustle of Mount Road fades away and you are engulfed in a blanket of peace and serenity. It is an island of tranquility, with a green canopy and sun-dappled cool spots. The graveyard has lots of greenery-probably because all the plants and trees get ample nourishment?-and it is really calm and quiet in there. All you can hear is the rustle of leaves and the chirping of birds.

Some of the tombs date back to the pre-independence era while some are relatively new. Some are well maintained with flowers and melted candles surrounding them, while others have been long forgotten and are crumbling to ruins. Some have been built with expensive marble and gleaming granite while others are more humble with just a slab of plain cement. I wander around these tombs, pausing here and there to read the epitaphs. Some epitaphs are poetic or elaborate while some are terse and formal. I look at the birth and death dates, figure how many years the person has lived and wonder at their lives. Who was this person who has become one with the Earth now? I try to imagine what his/her life was like. Did they get to achieve all their dreams and hopes before they died – or were there any unfulfilled wishes? There lies a lifetime ensconced in a 6 feet wooden box deep down under the grass. A lifetime filled with what? Smiles and laughter, joy and contentment? Or tears, disappointments and failures? I only hope that it was the former.

Please Note: A graveyard, as I said can be pretty desolate. So if anybody is tempted to explore, especially if you are alone, do make sure that you stick to the more open and brighter areas. Be aware of your surroundings and resist the urge to drift away into some obscure corners. No, not because an evil spirit is going to possess you. Sometimes in life one needs to be more careful of the living than the dead. If you notice someone observing you or loitering around you then better make a quick exit!

On a completey different note, someone told me that there is a belief in India that our dead ancestors come back as ravens, which is why they are served food during special days. So when I was in the cemetery I noticed loads of ravens all around. Think there is any connection?

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

Jus Wondering...

I read in the news today that Courtney Cox and her husband have separated after more than 10 years of being together. Makes me sad :-(
Of course, celebrity splits do happen on a regular basis, but I guess I always see Cox as Monica of Friends and who would want Monica to be unhappy???

But it also led me to wonder, as I have often wondered, what makes people split up after 10 or 20 or sometimes even 30 years of marriage?
A divorce within a year or a few years – maybe I can understand.
But after being soooo many years with a particular person, even if you don’t like that person much, wouldn’t you atleast be used to him/her by then?
As it has often been noted, human beings are extremely resistant to change. So if you have been around someone so much that you know him/her and his/her way/habits as well as yours, what would make anyone throw away all the efforts in all those years? Doesn’t it take an enormous amount of energy and strength to rebuild your life again all by yourself?
Or even if you find someone to help you out, you again have to start forging a relationship from scratch. Afterall a relationship requires lots of emotional investment.

Or is it precisely because of this that couples who have been married for decades together separate?
Maybe because, they have come to a point where they know each other so well that everything has become too predictable, boring and monotonous. It seems like they are stuck in the bylanes of their well-known neighbourhood instead of being in an exotic adventure discovering different things. Maybe they miss the hidden charms and sweet surprises that one experiences in the fledgling stages of a relationship, when everyday brings new revelations.

Being only a year into married life and also never having been a celebrity as well as coming from a typical-Indian-Middle-Class background , I admit that I am hardly in a position to understand or judge these situations.
All I am doing is thinking aloud…

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

This, That & Everything Else...

Almost everyone on Facebook (including me) has a photo album titled 'Random'. You put in miscellaneous photos which are probably too general to be classified into any other album. This post is similar to that.

Have you seen the Russell Peter's show on how women always keep thinking? - An observation that is seconded heartily by mon cher husband. And I do agree. Yes I am a woman and so my brain keeps thinking some random thought or the other almost always. Some of these may act as a germ of an idea for something that I can write or say elaborately. While others are just some knick-knacks which pop in and out. So I thought to collate all such ponderings in this post. This will probably be a living post-in the sense that I may keep adding to it as time goes on...

In the year 2010, as of today, I haven't earned a single penny. My most unproductive year? Maybe.
But I have blogged 17 posts in this blog so far this year, which is the maximum in the 3 years since I started blogging. Added to that I have picked up and taught myself, successfully if I may say so myself, 2 very interesting hobbies-oil painting and knitting. Apart from that, considering the fact that my first non-fiction article has actually been published (okay it is only a review and it is only a fledgling online magazine-still it IS a start!)- I must say that it looks like this has been my most creative year in a looonnggg time!

It feels wonderful to go to bed AND wake up thinking something like "What shall I knit today?" or "What shall I write today?", or "What shall I paint today?" or "what shall I read today?" or even "what shall I cook today?"
Believe you me, it is a zillion times better than "Ohhh God! Am gonna be late for my meeting!! ^*&%!!" or "The deadline is tomorrow and I still have to test 2 whole modules! Goddd save me!" or even "Am I EVER gonna be married???"

Of late, 2 or 3 people have sincerely told me that I remind them of their mother(s).
I am still undecided as to whether this is a compliment or not.

I HATE it when people make spelling/grammatical/pronunciation mistakes in English. Please note that I DO NOT claim to be an expert in this or that I never make mistakes myself. I do. Plenty (V remember insatiable?!??! ewwww!!). And yet it irks me sooo much that I always end up correcting the person. But recently, I have come to realise how irritating that can be. Most of the time, I am always the one with the better English. Until I met my husband. So now I am getting a taste of my own medicine. I both love him and dislike him for this same reason ;-))

I have noticed a few friends of mine, both boys & girls, who don't seem to be bothered enough to update absolutely anything about their spouses/married life on any social n/w site that they are in. I mean of course I know that it is not mandatory to post every tiny little thing happening in your life (although some ppl do that too!). And there r some ppl who just simply have an account but aren't very active. That I can understand. But when u keep posting pics of u freaking out with friends or even status msgs about how sick ur dog is-I would think that there would be atleast 1 snap of u as a couple or at the very least a change in relationship status?? Usually these ppl conveniently leave out mentioning anything about relationship status-which means they have no obligation to change it/update it in the first place. I can even understand this with ppl who have been married for years together. But when ppl who have been married only for a yr or so or at the most 3-4 yrs do this, I am kinda intrigued... After all it is the first few yrs that are supposed to be all sugary and dreamy right? So if that enthu is missing then.... It is not a major crime or anything but somehow it strikes me as a lil odd...

I don't care if I sound like a stuck-up prissy but I do not like it when people constantly use swear words when I am around or even for that matter when any lady is around. Now I know that many ladies also use them frequently-which I dislike even more. I accept that occasionally, nothing can express your feelings as emphatically as a swear word can-but do you have to use it sooooo much?!??!!! It just sounds bad.

It feels strange to me to see people getting all nostalgic about college life. Mainly because I don't feel that way. I am glad that I made a few good friends but apart from that the tiresome travelling up & down everyday, the rude staff (except a few), a classroom that actually leaked when it rained(!), allll the boring classes, stupid guys passing stupid comments and such dreary things - No Thank You-I Do NOT Miss you!! I can understand people feeling bittersweet about college times but I can not relate with them.

I feel exactly the opposite from the above, about my school life though.

Whenever I heard that something good, something which I am longing for has happened to a friend of mine, (for example last yr it was getting married) it seems to me like there are two people inside me at the same time. One person is extremely happy and excited for my friend(s). But this other shadowy person feels a teensy weensy bit - I don't know exactly how to term it - Frustrated? Disappointed? Unjustified?. I don't think it is Jealousy coz honestly I am truly happy for you, my dear friend-as delighted as I would have been if the same good fortune had befallen me in fact. I smile often thinking of your happiness and my day brightens up coz I know that you are blessed. Mind you, I wouldn't in my worst state dream of anything happening to take that happiness away from you-God Forbid! And it would indeed depress me to see you sad. But still I have to accept that sometimes there is a part of me which feels a nudge of something else too...

My favourite spice is fresh, sweet-smelling Cardamom.

I am hardly an organized person but it is only recently that I realised that I am so list-oriented. I make a list for almost everything-either on paper or my computer or just in my mind. A list for shopping, a list of to-do things, a list of all my problems - in fact I even made a list of the reasons why I should/shouldn't get married to AJ ;-) My most recent list? A list of my wishes. So if anyone out there wants to send me anything (Hear! Hear!) please let me know-I shall send you my list-for your convenience ;-))