Yip, Yap & Yippity Yap!

I was reading an old blog post of an old friend of mine here. And I couldn't stop myself nodding to her words (Although the main subject of her post is something else - which I intend to blog about in a separate post.) She mentioned that she is bad in the art of small talk. Same here. I simply suck at small talk. Don’t get me wrong - by no means am I a silent person; although I may seem so at first, once I get to know someone really well, nothing can keep me from yapping away. Ask my husband or my close friends-they probably have a part of their ear missing by now ;-) I have spoken for hours together over the phone, much to the irritation of my parents. My friends and I have chatted away into the wee hours of the night not even realizing the time. When I was small, my only worry when my parents came to school was that my teachers would complain that I was too talkative. In fact, that was indeed the only complaint against me for a long time.(Oh that and my math skills-but that’s a story for another day.) Many a time my poor mother, at her wits end has snapped “Can you just keep quiet for some time?” My husband on the other hand, just gives me an exasperated look and listens. Well, mostly.

Anyway the point is I have a lot to say. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here blogging would I? But small talk? Uh-huh. I honestly envy people who seemingly, can carry on conversations with others whom they met barely a few minutes back – about everything and anything. Many people have told me, that they often see me smiling. The simple reason behind that is – I have no idea what else to do. I answer whatever I am asked and I might even throw back the same question with “and u?” and nod my head at the answer. Beyond that I am clueless. On countless occasions I have racked my brains to say something interesting. Or just plain something. But no - my mind stubbornly resists and turns up it's nose at me. In fact, I think I have hardly ever initiated a conversation with anyone; it is generally the other person who starts first. I am usually comfortably lost in my own thoughts.

In earlier days young women used to be instructed in the art of small talk as it was considered to be a beneficial social grace to possess. Hostesses who could entertain their guests with their small talk were greatly admired. Hmm... Looks like I need to find out some such course and get myself enrolled in one ASAP.

P.S: I shall hold a seat for you too Neeru ;-)

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Mind Your Manners Please!

I would say that good manners and etiquette often varies from place to place and culture to culture. For example, while I was working in the US, the Americans whom I worked with always used to pop this question “How are you?” almost every time they saw me-even if we happened to cross paths 4 or 5 times a day. It took me a while to realize that it is a rhetoric question and more like saying “Hi!” than anything else. No one really expects you to tell how them how exactly you are feeling. To be honest, I found it a little phony. I mean why can’t we just stick to a simple “Hello”? I’m sure people in India would give one a weird look if one kept posing this question every single time you met.

In India if anyone walks into someone’s home with their footwear on, its sure to create a hullabaloo - on the other hand, in most foreign countries I’m sure people would raise eyebrows if you padded barefoot into their homes.

Also we Indians are much more inquisitive about everybody’s lives. We want to know everything about him, her, their aunt and their distant cousins all included. Often I’ve been subjected to relentless grilling about my life on many a flight by many an aunty or granny! But then shouldn’t there be a line somewhere? There are some manners which are universal-such as saying “Thanks” and “Please”. Similarly there are some questions which you just can’t, or rather shouldn't ask. Of late, I’ve realized that many people are either simply unaware that it is not good manners to ask certain questions or are just not bothered about the inappropriateness of their questioning. So unless you are in a position where we BOTH think of each other as really (and I mean REALLY) good friends or a close family member, kindly refrain from asking these questions - and even if you do fall into the above category, please exercise some restraint!

1.“So when are you getting married?”: Thankfully I’m past this question. But until a couple of years back, it really used to irritate me. I pity the people who are still subjected to this one. Maybe everyone needs to follow the idea of this popular joke?

When I was young I didn't like going to weddings. My grandmother would tell me, "You're next" However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

2.“So any good news?”: Now that I have successfully overcome the above obstacle, it’s time for the next question! Good news…. Hmm well lets c… I’m alive, I have a comfortable home and generous husband and loving family and a job I love doing. Isn’t that enough good news?! Any other “good news” is completely the personal business of mine and my husband-I don’t see why we need to keep you informed! So please just stop asking-before things start getting really ugly!!! You have been warned. (Yes YOU!)

3.“So how much do you earn?”: Yikes! I still remember once when I was a small kid, I was at my mother’s office simply running around and doing what kids generally do. One of my mom’s young colleague used to be friendly with me. One day for some reason, I asked him “So how much is your salary?” He gave me a look and asked me “Didn’t anyone teach you that it is bad manners to ask such a thing?” I was so ashamed. In case no one ever taught YOU that it is bad manners to ask people how much they earn, I am putting it down here. Now you know. So unless you are from the Income Tax dept or a potential employer willing to pay me atleast three times of what I earn now - please do not ask me this question ever again!!

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