The Lazy Minimalist

Pic credit: Sigurd Magnusson (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution License.)

A friend has recently bought a new house and is in the process of decorating it. She is busy putting up sweet family photos on the walls, placing beautiful antiques in strategic corners and hunting for one-of-a-kind knick knacks to add to the décor of her new home. I must say that she has a good eye and fine taste from what I have seen and her home looks lovely – cozy, stylish and welcoming. I looked at all the pictures and then I looked at the walls in my house. Stark.

My walls are painted a neutral cream colour. Apart from that, I have not put up any photos or paintings and neither have I beautified the house with carefully selected artefacts. Strangely, whenever I used to dream about my perfect house when I was growing up, I always imagined that I would do it up with classy décor. However, thinking back to all the different houses that I have lived in from the time I started staying away from my parents’ home, I notice one similarity. I did not do any sort of personalization to any of my homes. Of course, the basics are there – furniture and the like - and I like things clean; but beyond that, zilch. The only exception being our bedroom door, which has stickers of Disney characters that the previous occupants left behind and I haven't even bothered to remove.. If we were to move out tomorrow and a stranger drops by I doubt if they would have any clue as to the kind of people who were living there – except perhaps for a faint smell of Indian food and a misconception that we are parents, maybe?

I think one of the reasons behind my approach is because I know that this is going to be my temporary home. Since it is rented and we have really not been involved in actually designing or building the home, perhaps I don’t feel that personal connect. Having said that, I do know many people whose houses are so artfully done up despite them being in rented accommodations. Secondly, I feel that more the objects around the house, more the dusting and cleaning involved. And frankly, I am too lazy. I try to avoid buying too many things unless they have a specific use. I guess I would prefer to maintain a minimalistic abode if it means less chores! Plus, when you need to move homes - or as an expat even countries - there is lesser number of stuff to pack or dispose off, which means less work for me. 

What about you? Do you enjoy customizing your home or do you lean towards minimalism?

Anger: Vice… or Virtue?

I’ve always been someone who loses her temper easily. Everyone who is close to me know that I can fly off the handle quickly – you can say that my short temper is one of my flaws. I do think that I’ve somewhat learnt to control it – although I agree that I have a long way to go still. Now, I accept that blowing your fuse at the drop of a hat is definitely not a good idea, yes blind fury can be dangerous. However I also believe that the sentiment of anger has received far too much flak. It has even earned a spot among the 7 deadly sins. True, too much of anger is bad – but does anger by itself deserve to be tagged as an inexcusable vice? Is there not such a thing as "responsible anger"?

There are times in life when one needs to get angry. Take for instance the recent public outrage on women’s safety in India. It was only because the people of India were angry at the injustice meted out to one unfortunate young woman in December, that today women’s safety is being discussed at the international level and both the people and the government are atleast beginning to sit up and take notice.

Or let’s talk about the recent news about IPL spot-fixing. Were you not angry that a few louts cheated an entire nation? Your anger is justified. Or when you hear about child sexual abuse? When you see an alcoholic husband abusing his wife? Or when you find out that your partner has been cheating on you? When a rogue hand in a crowded bus sneaks up and pinches you? Should one not get angry? Well, I think you should. You have every right to be angry. You deserve to be angry. 

Some people may ask – what is the point of getting angry? What is it going to achieve? Indeed it is anger that prompts us into action. Whether that action is positive or negative is upto you. When someone passes a sexist comment on you and you don’t get angry, it simply means that you are too conditioned to accept sexism. You need to get angry. But if you get angry and then declare to the world that all men are perverts, that is not only stupid but it is also useless. Instead if you channel that anger and talk about it to spread awareness about sexual harassment, that positive action validates your anger. 

If you are stuck in an abusive relationship and allow yourself to be exploited instead of getting angry that you are being ill-treated, it can mean that you don’t love or value yourself enough. When you choose to leave a cheating partner, there will be nights when you feel all alone and miserable; when the urge to call him/her is eating you alive. But then, deep down, that tiny spark of anger must burn – reminding you of all the times that the jerk has let you down and hurt you and broke your trust. And that anger will give you the strength to help you let go of any self-pity or remorse and move on with your life. 

Or even getting angry with yourself. If you've set a goal and find yourself slacking simply due to laziness, get angry with yourself. Scold yourself . You don't have to put yourself down but you could give yourself a pep talk - by being angry at your laziness - and push yourself to achieve your goal.

In fact, I think more people should get angry. Angry enough to stop paying bribes and to report corruption. Angry enough to vote for responsible leaders and throw out the useless ones who have been looting the country forever. Angry enough to stand up and raise your voice against inequality. Angry enough to question wrong-doing.

People say that we can achieve true happiness when we are not affected by external stigma – but when you read about an 8 year old girl who was raped by a 60 year old man – your blood should boil; you should be outraged; your conscience must be troubled. Even the Gods get angry - Jesus got angry when he saw that the sacred temple of God had turned into a dirty marketplace, Kali is known for her fierce temper and Shiva’s temper is feared by one and all. And if the Gods themselves can lose their tempers, surely we mortals are allowed to get angry?

9 Life Gyans @29

These days, everyone seems to think that they’ve attained nirvana. The kind of people who spout “life truths” and the kind of gyan that is being lapped up by one and all led me to believe, that I too can spout my own version of life’s “hidden truths”! After a decade of disastrous decisions, surely I can do this, no? Since I’m turning 29 today, I thought of sharing 9 lessons learnt from my not-so-short life! So here goes nothing!

1) Never say never: Many of us, including yours truly, do this. When we witness someone doing something which we opine is outrageous, we are prompt to judge and say, “Oh I would never do ___!” But do we really know that for sure? What makes us so confident? Have we gone through the same situations and emotions that the person in question has? If we were in that same position, God only knows what we would do. Several times, I’ve been quick to say Never! Only to discover a little way down the road, that I spoke too soon. So, let’s not be quick to jump to conclusions – and then find that we have to eat our own words.

2) Love yourself first: I am not asking you to be selfish – but a little self-centeredness is really not a bad thing. Love yourself, treat yourself, pamper yourself, indulge yourself, celebrate yourself, improve yourself – because the most important person in your life is you. And if you don't love yourself first, you can not love anyone else truly.

3) The truth is you only have you to depend on in this life: Yes. Parents, teachers, spouse, friends, colleagues, pets, neighbours, strangers – everyone will come only so far in life. Beyond that, you have only yourself. But, you have you – and that is the most important relationship of all. Nurture it.

4) Get to know the guy/girl before marrying him/her: I don’t have anything against arranged marriages and of course know a lot of happy couples who’ve had arranged marriages. Nevertheless, if possible, try to have a “love” marriage. And I am not talking about the typical Bollywood type of love marriages – boy meets girl, Bam! Cupid strikes, they fight, they cuddle, they sing and dance, they beat up some villains, they get married and live happily ever after. No sir. Spend time with each other, do things together, discover each other’s positives and negatives, learn about each other’s likes and dislikes, grow together, share your thoughts and interests, talk, laugh and cry together, become friends, go on dates, travel together, volunteer together, watch movies, listen to music, read and discuss, fight and makeup, be there for each other, give it time, atleast a couple of years – and then, if you think that you want a lifetime more of the same, then get married. Of course, I agree that it is not possible to know everything about a person but atleast you’ve laid the foundation for a solid relationship, that is meant to last through thick and thin.

5) If it doesn’t work out, it’s ok: Sometimes – well, who am I kidding – most times, life doesn’t go according to our plans. At the risk of sounding cliched, there are no guarantees in life. People disappoint us and we end up being hurt and angry. Let it be. Cry your eyes out, mourn for a while, be glum and dejected and mope around eating tubs of ice-cream. But, move on, after a while. If it is meant to be, it will be; else simply let go. Don’t waste your time, energy and emotions on would-haves and could-have-beens, but don’t regret the experience either. The fact is, every person we meet in our life, teaches us something – about ourselves, about life. Learn from it. Smile and get on with your life. Don’t let bitterness pull you down and make you cynical; open yourself to new experiences.

6) Travel: I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Travel truly broadens your horizons and gives you a new perspective. Travel as much as you can, and see yourself in a new light.

7) Live by yourself: atleast for a couple of years. Fend for yourself, do chores, run errands, pay the bills, wash your clothes, cook your meals, clean your bathroom – learn to be self-sufficient. It doesn’t matter if it was your dad who was doing all this earlier; it doesn’t matter if someone else will do it for you later. Atleast, you will know that you can do all that – and much more – if the need arises.

8) Earn: I believe that every woman should have worked for atleast a short while. Relocation, marriage, kids or other such responsibilities or even lack of interest might not allow you to continue to work. But atleast for a short while, go to work – meet new people and keep learning. Save some money – just for yourself.

9) Have a hobby: So many people complain that they feel bored when they are by themselves. But practically speaking, no one is going to be with you 24/7. That is why it is essential to keep up a hobby – anything which interests you. Don’t give it up – it will sustain and refresh you.

"If you don't stand for something...

Image source: The Best Travel Destinations

... you'll fall for anything" goes the quote. 

I am writing this a few days after India has decided to vote for the resolution against Sri Lanka at the United Nations Human Rights Council (UNHRC) in Geneva. I know I am late but I am glad.

Let me begin with a disclaimer. I cannot claim to be an avid follower of politics. I don’t have the details of Sri Lanka’s ethnic conflict at my finger tips. I am neither a pro-LTTE sympathizer nor a pro-Sri Lankan supporter. Rather I am merely pro-humanism. Just because I hail from Tamilnadu does not mean that I blindly support all the terrorist activities of the LTTE. And I am not supporting the call to justice, just because those affected are Tamils. No. When I see them, I simply see people. Fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, elders, children; just normal people like you and me, with love, hope and dreams all tinged with bitterness and sorrow. Doesn’t matter if they are Tamils or not.

Some people ask what right does India have to talk about human rights, when humans are degraded everyday in her own soil. Doesn’t matter. Yes we do need to work on improving human rights. But that does not in any way take away anything from the fact that the world needs to seek justice from Sri Lanka.

When the LTTE’s leader was shot dead almost 3 years back, I remember that our offices in Chennai closed half-day fearing a backlash of violence. All I was concerned about was reaching home safely before any riots broke out. Sri Lanka's problems, were only a series of newspaper headlines to me. I read about them as I read about umpteen other atrocities that happened every day - many much closer to home. I've always thought, "It is not happening in my country, it's not my problem. Why should I bother about it?" and relegated it to some obscure corner of my mind as I got on with my life.

So why the sudden interest, you ask? I happened to see the critically acclaimed video ‘The Killing Fields Of Sri Lanka’ recently. I am sure that the video has been around for quite a while, but I generally desist from watching such disturbing videos. I don’t know why I watched this one. But I regret it. 

If you haven’t watched it already and would like to, please do so. But I must warn you, that if you have a weak heart, please don’t. You might end up in a flood of tears or rush to the bathroom to throw up. I did both.

The former Prime Minister of Sri Lanka Chandrika Bandaranaike Kumaratunga has said in a speech and I quote, "I shall remember till the end of my days the morning when my 28 year-old son called me, sobbing on the phone to say how ashamed he was to call himself as Sinhalese and a Lankan, after he saw on the UK television a 50 minute documentary called Killing Fields of Sri Lanka which I also had the great misfortune of seeing. My daughter followed suit, saying similar things and expressing shock and horror that our countrymen could indulge in such horrific acts. I was proud of my son and daughter, proud that they cared for the others, proud that they have grown up to be the man and woman their father and mother wanted them to be."

The video is horrific to say the least. It details the war and hate crimes perpetuated by both the LTTE and the Sri Lankan military on innocent civilians. Trapped, with nowhere to hide and caught between two warring factions it is heart-breaking to see the hopelessness and utter despair of these people.

In the video, a father who had to witness the agony of his teenage son, a victim of shelling die a slow and painful death says in a broken voice, “As a father, I could not save my son.” A desperate and defeated statement that no father should ever have to utter.

Another instance shows a man tied to a tree with his throat half slit, blood running down his shirt and tissue hanging out of the slit, still alive and pleading for mercy. Yet another instance, shows soldiers piling up naked bodies of women, dead, tortured and presumably raped. As one man callously drags and throws a woman’s body like a sack of potatoes, he says, “This one had the best figure”.

Why? How? How can humans be so utterly cruel? What turns a man into such a heartless animal? Is it because they suffered pain and loss because of the LTTE? Is that justification enough to become a monster? Is all really fair in love and war? If these men had wives, children and mothers, would those people even bear to look them in the eye knowing about this?  There are no easy answers.

But that does not mean that one should stop asking difficult questions. I also have a small, personal connection with Sri Lanka. My great-grandfather used to do business in Colombo all those years back. My grandmother knows Sinhalese and has travelled extensively throughout Sri Lanka a long time back and I guess we might still have some, distant relatives living there – although I personally have never met anyone and don’t really know anyone. But it makes me wonder - what if my great-grandfather had continued his business there instead of shutting shop and moving out due to inhospitable conditions? Would I be there? Would I also be one of those unfortunate living dead with haunting memories of mindless violence and irreparable loss? Or would I just be one among the many rotting dead bodies, buried in earth stained crimson?

One gains a new respect for the Mahatma in such times. There might a thousand arguments and critiques against Gandhiji and my view might be rather simplistic to the worldly-wise. But finally, isn’t the choice to be non-violent much better than choosing a path of destruction? At the end of a devastating war, really, who is happy? Doesn't an eye war an eye make the whole world blind? Doesn't fighting fire with fire burn down everything in its path? There might be an over-whelming sense of relief that the war is finally over, but peace? Happiness? Will non-violence work today? I honestly don’t know. But can a country founded on so much darkness, hope to have a peaceful and secure future?

Today India is the only Asian country that has voted against Sri Lanka. Never mind that it agreed to it only after making some amendments. Never mind that it was possibly a result of internal politics and pressure from its strategic alliances who might possibly have wanted the vote to further personal gains. Is anything going to happen now because of the resolution? I don't know. 

But in the end, I am proud that India had the guts to stand by the weak, to stand by those who have been oppressed and have no hope, to stand by those whose voices have been silenced, to stand by those who need answers and justice.

Blurring Boundaries: Mixing Business With Pleasure

Image Source: Tollywoodstarsprofile.blogspot.com

Who is your favourite star? What is it that attracts you to this particular star, among all others? Looks, talent, character, dressing sense or what? For me, all of these count. But I’ve noticed that, no matter what great heights celebrities have attained, somehow, my opinion of them hinges on their love life to a large extent! 

For example, take Kamal Hassan. There can be no doubt in anyone’s mind, that he is a strong and versatile actor, who has proven time and again that he is one of the best in his field. And yet, everybody also knows that he used to lead quite a colourful personal life. Or consider Siddharth; he too has everything – looks, talent and charm. But he too has had a very lively personal life. Now while I might appreciate these actors, they would never make it to my favourites list, because every time I watch them on screen, my mind makes a sub-conscious association with their personal life. Of course, I accept that I know of all such news only through magazines and other related media. I haven’t sat next to them and observed everything they do, so I have no idea about the nitty- gritty of their personal lives. Plus I also know that whether I like or don’t like Kamal, it is hardly going to matter to him. But still it is a free world and one is entitled to one’s opinion, right?

Image Source: www.free-extras.com

So, getting back on track, the same goes for other celebrities too. Sourav Ganguly might be a wonderful cricketer but to me, his tainted reputation overshadows his remarkable achievements. Or even Tiger Woods for that matter. Strangely I am not so prejudiced with people who break up with their boyfriends/girlfriends and move onto new relationships. In today’s fast paced world when priorities can change overnight, I agree a zillion things can go awry in a relationship; and more importantly I myself am no saint to take a ‘holier than thou’ attitude. But getting married is taking that relationship to a whole new commitment level. I don't mean to say that no one should ever get divorced but somehow I can’t seem to get over people who flit from one partner to the next so brashly and treat relationships so flippantly.

My husband says, that it is none of my business what stars do in their personal lives, to which I do agree. I know that when I see an actor I should judge his acting skills and not his Casanova ones, when I see a sports star, I should weigh his sporting abilities and not his lover boy image. Plus I know that stars are also human and to err is human. But I just can’t seem to help it! Afterall what one is supposed to do and what one actually does, are two different things, right? To me every professional achievement of such people, is always tinged with the shadows of their murky personal lives. I cannot seem to say, “He is my favourite star because he acts/plays/sings/whatever remarkably (or) looks simply fantabulous, so what if he is a playboy in real life? Why should that bother me?” 

What about you? Can you compartmentalize and differentiate an individual’s personal and professional lives and view them separately? Or do the lines blur for you too?