Where Have All The Humble People Gone?

I had recently been to a fashion event and the make-up artist who worked on me was really good at her job. She was a thorough professional who has many high-profile gigs to her credit and is in much demand. She does a lovely job, is really sweet and extremely humble. Looking at her and interacting with her, you might never guess that she is such a successful make-up artist who deals with several leading models frequently. She was really down-to-earth and simple. I was quite impressed with her skill and with her as a person. 

On the other hand, there are some people who simply think too much of themselves, in spite of hardly having achieved anything worthwhile in life. There is no better example for this than someone I meet almost every single day. So, I happen to travel to work by a car pooling service, since I live a fair distance away from my office. The driver is a young fellow in his early twenties and God, he has a bucket load of attitude and arrogance in him! I suspect that he is delusional enough to think that is driving a Ferrari, when in fact it is nothing more than a regular old Toyota sedan. Or perhaps he thinks that he is Schumacher’s twin. Whatever the assumption, one nearly gets a heart attack when seated in his car. He drives like an absolute nut. You know that irritating guy on the road who believes that he owns the entire road and has no intention whatsoever of following any road rule? The one who refuses to wear the seatbelt despite travelling at high speeds on the highway, the one who starts honking impatiently a good 15 seconds before the red light changes, the one who tailgates incessantly and bullies you off your lane, the one who makes driving a stressful activity for all other drivers and the one who couldn’t care less about anyone else on the road? Yeah, he is this guy. 

As if his driving skills are not enough to drive you crazy, his banter is even worse. He sounds like a teenager, never mind that he is actually a married man and a father to boot! Whenever he speaks it is like getting a peak into an adolescent’s naïve and inexperienced mind. And don’t even get me started on his silly jokes and an even sillier laugh that is guaranteed to get on your nerves. 

Even if one forgives these transgressions and looks past his shortcomings, his over-confidence and know-it-all attitude is too big a factor to overlook. He spouts really lame life gyan with such superciliousness that I honestly feel like giving him a good, solid whack on his head! And does he stop with sharing his life musings? Oh no, not at all! He goes on to enlighten us about ourselves, how we lead boring lives going to steady and stable jobs and spending time at home over the weekends and how we will make bad parents and how we all need to die young because we become useless when we grow old – and mind you, his definition of old is 35 years. Okay mister! So you have a car and you drive. Honestly, that doesn’t make you an expert on my life and nobody really asked you for your opinion in the first place. Why do such people think that they can go around sharing their non-sensical philosophies with unsuspecting individuals such as me? Arrghhh!!! Why God, why! Somebody save me from this jerk please!

Hung Up On Accents

It’s funny how a language, any language, can be spoken in so many different ways. Take for instance, my mother tongue Thamizh. It has so many variations ranging from the robust Chennai slang to the melodious Coimbatore one, the sing-song Thirunelveli Thamizh and the rustic Madurai one. The same goes with Hindi, with various parts of India contributing to it with their own slang and accents. Likewise with English. My most favourite accent in the world is the British one but it so interesting to observe all the other accents and my! How many of them! Scottish, Irish, Cockney, Australian, Yankee, the Southern drawl etc, etc. While I cannot imitate any accent I am fascinated by the way an inflection here and a clip there adds so much layer to a language.

But one thing that definitely does not catch my fancy is the fake accent that many Indians seems to adopt after only a few years of living abroad. I can understand if someone with Indian origins but was born and brought up abroad or has grown up abroad speaks like an American (or British). Sure, I love listening to Hugh Grant or James Bond. But if you start rolling your r’s literally as soon as your foot touches foreign soil, I’m sorry buddy, but you ain’t fooling no one!

I fail to fathom the thinking behind putting up a fake accent. Can’t these people hear themselves speak? I mean, the accent is so fake that anybody can see through it. I cringe visibly whenever I hear it and just feel like screaming, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!". Most people who suddenly seem to be speaking “American” cannot do it consistently. So half of their words sound American while the rest sounds quite desi and the amalgamation of this frankly sounds rather embarrassing. What is so wrong in speaking with an Indian accent anyway? As long as you pronounce words as they are supposed to be pronounced – as in Zero instead of Jero as I’ve heard some people say - and you are able to communicate smoothly, is it really so bad to speak the Indian way?

In fact, I’m not too sure with what accent I speak English but if I do have one that would probably be a Thamizh accent – which is natural as I come from Tamil Nadu. When I met with some clients in the US a few days after I moved there for work, an American lady told me that I speak English very well. As long as people are able to understand you easily isn’t that enough? Do people who speak with these fake accents think that it is beneath them to speak normally? Do they feel that they are somehow superior if they can speak in the American way? If so, well here’s news for you – you don’t. You simply sound ridiculous. So, I beg you, for the love of God, cut it out. My ears are aching. Enough is enough.