This, That & Everything Else...

Almost everyone on Facebook (including me) has a photo album titled 'Random'. You put in miscellaneous photos which are probably too general to be classified into any other album. This post is similar to that.

Have you seen the Russell Peter's show on how women always keep thinking? - An observation that is seconded heartily by mon cher husband. And I do agree. Yes I am a woman and so my brain keeps thinking some random thought or the other almost always. Some of these may act as a germ of an idea for something that I can write or say elaborately. While others are just some knick-knacks which pop in and out. So I thought to collate all such ponderings in this post. This will probably be a living post-in the sense that I may keep adding to it as time goes on...

In the year 2010, as of today, I haven't earned a single penny. My most unproductive year? Maybe.
But I have blogged 17 posts in this blog so far this year, which is the maximum in the 3 years since I started blogging. Added to that I have picked up and taught myself, successfully if I may say so myself, 2 very interesting hobbies-oil painting and knitting. Apart from that, considering the fact that my first non-fiction article has actually been published (okay it is only a review and it is only a fledgling online magazine-still it IS a start!)- I must say that it looks like this has been my most creative year in a looonnggg time!

It feels wonderful to go to bed AND wake up thinking something like "What shall I knit today?" or "What shall I write today?", or "What shall I paint today?" or "what shall I read today?" or even "what shall I cook today?"
Believe you me, it is a zillion times better than "Ohhh God! Am gonna be late for my meeting!! ^*&%!!" or "The deadline is tomorrow and I still have to test 2 whole modules! Goddd save me!" or even "Am I EVER gonna be married???"

Of late, 2 or 3 people have sincerely told me that I remind them of their mother(s).
I am still undecided as to whether this is a compliment or not.

I HATE it when people make spelling/grammatical/pronunciation mistakes in English. Please note that I DO NOT claim to be an expert in this or that I never make mistakes myself. I do. Plenty (V remember insatiable?!??! ewwww!!). And yet it irks me sooo much that I always end up correcting the person. But recently, I have come to realise how irritating that can be. Most of the time, I am always the one with the better English. Until I met my husband. So now I am getting a taste of my own medicine. I both love him and dislike him for this same reason ;-))

I have noticed a few friends of mine, both boys & girls, who don't seem to be bothered enough to update absolutely anything about their spouses/married life on any social n/w site that they are in. I mean of course I know that it is not mandatory to post every tiny little thing happening in your life (although some ppl do that too!). And there r some ppl who just simply have an account but aren't very active. That I can understand. But when u keep posting pics of u freaking out with friends or even status msgs about how sick ur dog is-I would think that there would be atleast 1 snap of u as a couple or at the very least a change in relationship status?? Usually these ppl conveniently leave out mentioning anything about relationship status-which means they have no obligation to change it/update it in the first place. I can even understand this with ppl who have been married for years together. But when ppl who have been married only for a yr or so or at the most 3-4 yrs do this, I am kinda intrigued... After all it is the first few yrs that are supposed to be all sugary and dreamy right? So if that enthu is missing then.... It is not a major crime or anything but somehow it strikes me as a lil odd...

I don't care if I sound like a stuck-up prissy but I do not like it when people constantly use swear words when I am around or even for that matter when any lady is around. Now I know that many ladies also use them frequently-which I dislike even more. I accept that occasionally, nothing can express your feelings as emphatically as a swear word can-but do you have to use it sooooo much?!??!!! It just sounds bad.

It feels strange to me to see people getting all nostalgic about college life. Mainly because I don't feel that way. I am glad that I made a few good friends but apart from that the tiresome travelling up & down everyday, the rude staff (except a few), a classroom that actually leaked when it rained(!), allll the boring classes, stupid guys passing stupid comments and such dreary things - No Thank You-I Do NOT Miss you!! I can understand people feeling bittersweet about college times but I can not relate with them.

I feel exactly the opposite from the above, about my school life though.

Whenever I heard that something good, something which I am longing for has happened to a friend of mine, (for example last yr it was getting married) it seems to me like there are two people inside me at the same time. One person is extremely happy and excited for my friend(s). But this other shadowy person feels a teensy weensy bit - I don't know exactly how to term it - Frustrated? Disappointed? Unjustified?. I don't think it is Jealousy coz honestly I am truly happy for you, my dear friend-as delighted as I would have been if the same good fortune had befallen me in fact. I smile often thinking of your happiness and my day brightens up coz I know that you are blessed. Mind you, I wouldn't in my worst state dream of anything happening to take that happiness away from you-God Forbid! And it would indeed depress me to see you sad. But still I have to accept that sometimes there is a part of me which feels a nudge of something else too...

My favourite spice is fresh, sweet-smelling Cardamom.

I am hardly an organized person but it is only recently that I realised that I am so list-oriented. I make a list for almost everything-either on paper or my computer or just in my mind. A list for shopping, a list of to-do things, a list of all my problems - in fact I even made a list of the reasons why I should/shouldn't get married to AJ ;-) My most recent list? A list of my wishes. So if anyone out there wants to send me anything (Hear! Hear!) please let me know-I shall send you my list-for your convenience ;-))

Hey Gurl! This ones for ya!!

Friendship Day.
My greetings and gratitude to all my dear friends who have put up with me so far! But this year I would like to especially remember all my girl friends. Generally speaking, due to some reason (I am guessing its coz guys don’t get offended as easily as girls?) I get along much better with guys than girls – surprising actually when you think about it coz I struck up my first friendship with a guy only when I was about 18 (which was my dear friend Pravin). Till then I didn’t know any guy whom I could call as a friend-there were brothers and cousins and acquaintances of course, but no friend as such.

The very first friend I can ever remember is Aruna. I met her at school but I cannot recollect exactly how. I suspect we were probably sitting next to each other in class. Aruna is my longest running friend-its been 23 yrs! The latest close girl friend I made was Sivagami – my petite, curly-haired ex-colleague. People who know me should be well aware of the fact that I am hardly an outgoing or social person. I keep to myself mostly and do not make friends as easily as one would wish. I do not, by any extent of imagination have a large gregarious group to hang out with. But between Aruna and Shiva, I have made a few really great chums, who I hold close to my heart. Some friends I have known for years and some just for a short time. With some, we caught on like a house on fire. And some were indeed totally unexpected – like you, Anu! (U knw tht :-))

I do like hanging out with all my guy friends-it is fun and enjoyable. But I cannot imagine calling up ANY of the guys and asking them something like this “Hey do you think I should wear the pink dress for today’s party? You know the one I wore for Swetha’s wedding?” Can you imagine the response I might get?
Possible reply No.1: Uh huh….
Possible reply No.2: Nope. Don’t remember.
Possible reply No.3: Which Swetha? That hot girl with Angelina-Jolie lips??
Possible Reply No.4: Swetha got married??!! When did that happen?!!!

But instead if it was one of my girl friends “No d! That pink dress has been done to death. The theme for today’s party is Sunshine. So try something in shades of yellow/orange na… Hey I remember you have that gorgeous lemon yellow, off-shoulder top right? The one we got when we went shopping last month. And you can borrow my chunky earrings-they’ll be perfect!”
Now that is what I call a Life Saver ;-))

I agree, of course that practically speaking I cannot possibly call up a girl friend and ask her to pick me up if suppose I get stranded somewhere in the middle of the night. Nor can I ask her to help me carry the couch up the stairs. But for other things of grave concern and utmost priority like
‘Have ABC & XYZ broken up for good this time?’,
‘How do I make coffee?’,
'What is the latest style of jean called?’,
'Why did Surya have to go and act in such pathetic movies like Aadhavan?’,
'Where did Rakhi Sawant do her plastic surgery?’,
’Shall I go for a layer cut or a feather cut this time?’,
‘Why are boyfriends/husbands the way they are?’,
‘Should I wear my dupatta like this or like that?’, ‘Does this black nail polish look hideous?’,
‘Should I get a second ear piercing?’,
‘Am I looking sloshed in this photo or can I send it to mom?’ etc etc etc – nothing can beat gal pals!!
Despite the fact that I do have many guy friends and that I am blessed enough to have a loving family, gurl friends play a very special and important part in my life.

As R.L. Stevenson rightly said “No Man is useless while he has a friend” (I take the liberty here to apply this to Women as well). So here's to the gals – for all the never-ending talks and chats, for the long shopping sprees, for all the good and bad advice, for being with me thru good times and not-so-good ones, for helping me cope when I was down in the dumps and for rejoicing with me when I made it, for joining in the laughter as well as the tears, for tolerating my weaknesses and accepting my short-comings, never judging and for listening patiently to all my woeful tales of misery-imagined or otherwise. A zillion cheers!! May you always find Love and Laughter wherever you are and whatever you do! Muaahhhh!!

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

Romeos and Majnus…

I often wonder how some men can hit on women publicly without any kinda shame! Especially with the advent of social networking, I must say it has reached amazing new heights. I am sure all you women out there would have received your fair share of unsolicited “do you wanna make frenship to me?” Huh?!??!
I used to think that a relationship status of "Married/Engaged/Committed" would change that but I was mistaken.
Recently I came across a series of comments on some photos of a very cute friend of mine which made me go “Dude for heaven’s sake get a grip on yourself! Agreed the girl in question is pretty but do you really have to be so embarrassingly obviously drooling?!?”
And then of course there are the opening/pick-up lines that you get. A few of my most memorable ones:
Most people who studied with me should know this by now. It was just another boring day and there I was, standing sleepily at the bus-stop waiting for the college bus as usual, when this college-mate of mine walks up and says Hi. Friends had already made me aware of the fact that some sly teasing was going on, what with everybody shouting out his name loud whenever I was somewhere in the vicinity and the veiled suggestions thrown around and such silly things that only college guys are capable of. But this was the very first time that this person was actually talking to me.
So I say my Hi back and we chat for a couple of minutes about some general stuff and then as I wait with bated breath and clammy palms, suddenly, without any warning, he pops the question.
What question you ask?
It could have been a harmless “Shall we go out for a coffee?” or a bold “Could I please have your phone number?” or a flattering “How come you are so beautiful?” or even an absolutely insane “laechi pothama?” (Shall we elope?”)

But no. Not to be.
The question was “Why are your teeth like this?”
Ahem! What on earth can you answer to that?!? Mortification.
(In my defense, my teeth weren’t THAT bad.) BTW I endured the terrific torture of braces for a year and now my teeth are just perfect. So there!! Hmph!

Let us fast forward to a few years later. It is again one of those days when the office bus has gone and jammed itself in the never-ending evening traffic. I am staring blankly out of the window, lost in my thoughts and waiting to get home, when I hear this “I am hungry because of you.”
I turn around and give a “Are you talking to me?” look to this guy sitting next to me and say “Excuse me?” And he says “I was so famished and so I got a sandwich-but now you are sitting next to me and I can’t eat it while making you watch.”
OK now what makes this guy think that I am interested in watching him-eating or otherwise?!? I say politely, “No problem. Please go ahead I don’t mind” And then he does eat while at the same time talking incessantly and boring me to death. Eventually his stop has come and I am about to heave a sigh of relief. Just before getting down he adds “Your earrings are beautiful” Man, Are you gay!!?! I mean come on now! How many men do you really know who even notice let alone actually compliment your accessories- especially without asking??!

I guess growing up, everyone had a few crushes and some secret admirers. Looking back, I remember my very first admirer. I studied in a girls' school and so my contact with guys was limited to family and at the most a few of my brother’s friends who generally never even acknowledged my existence. It was only when I started going to tuitions in my 10th std, in order to prepare for the ever-threatening board /public exams that I actually met a few guys.

Now coming to my first fan. Lets call him G. He was this guy who was also writing the 10th exam but he was elder to me coz he had flunked his public exam (I suspect quite a few times.) He was the one who used to do all the yedu-pudi (miscellaneous tasks) for the math master, like going to the grocery nearby or paying bills. He was always untidy with unkempt hair and a few top buttons of his shirt undone nonchalantly (Why do guys think that this is macho??)

Back then I used to cycle to school. G used to wait patiently in a side street on his own cycle. As soon as I passed this street, he used to come cycling by, overtake me and then cycle in front of me all the while doing some antics-like cycling with both hands in the air or ruffling his hair or standing up and cycling or something of that sort! Ditto when I cycled back home, as well as to and from the tuition itself.
Never once did he actually stop me or even attempt to talk to me. Soon after we shifted home and I have no idea what happened to him. It was all very amusing back then and downright funny to think of now. But yes, he was the very first person who made me realize the astonishing fact that boys could be attracted to me!! It did wonders to my feminine ego ;-)

This is all very one-sided isn’t it? It wouldn’t be fair to suggest that I never had any crushes. Of course I did. My very first crush – SRK!! Shah Rukh Khan!! Sighhhhh!!!!!! Oray lowweeee!!! The first movie of his that I saw was Baazigar and I really cried heartbroken tears when he died at the end :-(

So what about you? Who was your first crush/admirer/fan??

Image Courtesy: www.dreamstime.com

Trying Hard...

I tried so hard, not to become a cynic
And yet sometimes, I think I am forced to.

I tried so hard, to believe in the goodness of Man
And yet sometimes, people let me down.

I tried so hard, to keep my faith in Love
And yet sometimes, cowardice and deception were my rewards.

I tried so hard, to trust in Truth
And yet sometimes, Truth is merely Falsehood disguised.

I tried so hard, to give without fear
And yet sometimes, disappointment was what I got.

I tried so hard, to hold on
And yet sometimes, I just want to let go.

I tried so hard, to live without losing ‘Me’
And yet sometimes, I search for her and no traces I find.

I tried so hard, to fight back the tears,
And yet sometimes, they choke me tight.

I tried so hard, to keep smiling my pretty smile
And yet sometimes, it feels empty and shallow.

I tried so hard, to dream new dreams
And yet sometimes, they changed into nightmares.

I tried so hard, to be one with you
And yet sometimes, you hurt me so.

I tried so hard, to often stop the bleeding
And yet this time, it seems to be fatal.

A Limerick Ode to my newest Hobby :-)

Clickety-Clack, Clickety-Clack, my needles click,
Back and forth, back and forth, quick, quick!

Knit and Purl, Knit and Purl,
O ball of yarn, come on, Unfurl!

Greens, reds, blacks or blues,
Colour, colour, which colour do you choose?

Sweaters, scarves or gloves, I say,
Magically create what you may!

Soon, you'll have a cheerful gift,
To give your day a bright little lift!

Pissed Off!!

One thing(among many!) that really irritates me, is when people call young homemakers "vetti". Yeahh!! I fall into the "young homemakers" category-else why would I be so pissed!! Duh!

BTW In case any non-Tamilians are reading this, "Vetti" means Jobless/Useless.

There are people all around asking me "when are you planning to go back to work?"
Well the answer is NO WHEN. Now don't gimme that weird look!!
For the past 8 years or so I have been stuck either studying or working in a boring industry and I have absolutely no interest in continuing to put myself thru that torture again, unless absolutely necessary. If, by that it means, that I have to skip a holiday in some exotic location or sacrifice a new dress every month-that is simply fine with me.
My sweet husband doesn't mind, so why should you?!????

So unless it is something I am passionate about or there is a real necessity I don't intend to work for now. Then, this invariably leads to the question "So what do you do sitting vetti at home whole day? Aren't you bored?"

Ahem!! Ahem!! Who the hell is sitting vetti at home?!?!?
If you have seen your mom/grandmom/aunty sitting whole day and simply watching mindless TV soaps one after the another-excuse me!! I do not follow that pattern. And I know for a fact that a lot of my friends don't either.

Actually I find that I do a lot more stuff now than when I was working-things that I enjoy doing. In fact, I definitely do not see most people who work do much, other than whiling away half the time at work, working a little and then coming back home, plopping down in the sofa and exclaiming "Oh! Am so tired!" and refusing to move their butts!!
Yes I do browse and play games on Facebook-yet how many of you do that from office??
So if YOU play from work its called "Relaxation" and if I play from home its "Vetti"??!

There are umpteen number of things to do being at home-I am not gonna list whatever I do here - coz its none of your business-but the next time you even consider calling me or any other young homemaker "vetti"- just STFU!!!

A Letter….. From a Mother to a Daughter

My dearest chickoo,

Today, our neighbor Swetha delivered a baby girl. Mother and child are doing fine. I had gone to visit them. Seeing that cute little miracle reminded me of the very first day I held you in my hands. Oh you smelt so sweet! The fragrance of pure, unadulterated Innocence.
You clasped my hand with your tiny fingers. Even the most expensive silk, the lightest feather or softest fur could not be compared. Something stirred in the very depths of my heart. Was this what they call ‘Love at first sight?’ I wondered.

With every small step you took, with every teensy inch you grew, with every fussy mouthful you ate, with every wink you slept, with every new word you spoke I fell more and more in Love with you. Your divine face was what I saw every time I was tired or weary. I plodded through my average job in a average day, in the hope of seeing your sunny smile in the evening when I returned home. It helped me bear my superiors’ egos, the crowded buses, the hot afternoon sun, the mornings when my body begged for a few more minutes of blessed sleep, the times when my Vanity wanted to throw away some money on that beautiful sari instead of buying you some sweets or trinkets or dolls and so much more. A lifetime of mediocrity was made brilliant only by your presence.

As days went by, you grew and blossomed into such a beautiful person-both inside and outside. I could see the envy in everyone’s eyes, but you always treated them kindly.

Is that what you found finally unbearable my dear one? To be kind and gentle in such an unkind and harsh world? Could you not bear to see the Beauty inside you rusted and corroded by this unfair Life? Could you not tolerate the destruction of the dreamy, ideal world that you built, by the uncaring people you met?
Could you not find one soul who could help you?
When you were young, you fell down often. You always used to come crying and running to me with a bruised knee. You trusted that I could wipe away your tears and heal your wounds- Could you not have trusted me to at least soothe, if not heal, your broken spirit? Could you not see the one person who would have forgiven you of anything, absolved you of everything and loved you with all her existence no matter what?
Why did you not confide in me my angel? Why did you not pause, one moment, on that beautiful November evening to spare a single thought for your mother?
What were you so afraid of that you had to leave me in eternal agony?
I lived for you-is that why I deserve this cruel punishment?
When your tender leg kicked my womb, I delighted in it; When your rosebud lips spat out food at me I wiped it away without complaining; When you were angry with me childishly, I bore it; When you were ashamed of my hugs in front of your teenaged friends, I just smiled to myself. I only wanted the best for you. Were these my mistakes? Was I a failure as a Mother? Is that why you decided to push me away and desert me forever?

So many questions.
But the only answer I get, no matter how persistently I ask them, is Silence.

When I hear of Mother’s Day and Daughter’s Day and even Valentine’s Day I think of you, my lost Love. When my colleagues’ daughters get married, I am haunted by the dreams I once had dreamt for you. When I see a mother and daughter shopping together or enjoying a movie or sharing a joke over some coffee I miss you. The womb that housed you has shriveled up, the heart that beat for you is aching, the shoulders that you slept on are heavy, the hands that cradled you are limp and the Life that you lit up is now dark and empty.
I never knew why you quit that fateful day and will never know either.

Sweetheart I can no longer cry; all I can do is wonder.

With Love,
Mommy.