Am Back!

Am Back!
I have come back-home sweet home!
After a hiatus of 9 months, here I am.
Chennai (as everything else in Life) has indeed changed.

It has been an eventful 9 months in the US of A for me.
Had a lot of fun, new experiences, some let downs and disappointments thrown in for balance, learnt new stuff-on the whole enjoyed myself and now have come away with a whole bunch of bittersweet memories.

Goodbyes to places I have grown accustomed to, things I have been used to and more importantly farewells to the wonderful people I have come to know and the different kinds of relationships I have shared with each one of them. People who have made me laugh and made me cry. People who have been there for me. People who have been as equally crazy as I am!!

Really want to write down a memoir for each of my fav person.
Memory has a funny way of fading and mutating with time.
I don’t want to wake up one day and struggle to remember all the beautiful times that I have spent with these people. (What if I get Alzhiemer’s or something??!!)

I was just thinking- off late my life seems to have a series of farewells, a quick succession of "Dunno if we will meet again"and " Hope we will meet again someday" .
The world is supposed to have become a smaller place-I do hope that is sooo true.
Because there are some people like P, S, V whom I seriously wish that I will get to be with again.
If I do, then I would be a very lucky gal!
So hope its just an Au revoir and not an Adieu folks!

Words....

I really like the various languages of this world. Not that I know too many-just a handful. But still I have always been more fascinated by words than pictures.
Even while choosing greeting cards I first look at the wordings rather than the pictures. A beautiful description of a dress or a delicious dessert attracts me more than a photo of the same would. Why? Maybe my mind adds some personal touches and imagines it more vividly and customizes according to what I want to see?!?
After all most times in life we really see only what we want to see isn’t it?
And agreed that there are zillions of words floating around in this world- half of which we are not even aware of! Words can heal or steal, they can create joy and laughter as well as sadness and sorrow, they can make or break, they have the power to shatter and destroy or the power to create and change. Some of the words that were spoken to you or by you could stay with you forever.

But for some time now I have been wondering....
Are there enough words in any language to describe everything?
Can every emotion that a person feels be captured in a word? Or can the meaning of a look or a sigh or a touch be conveyed through just words however articulate a person might be? Or for that matter are there words to name every relationship that we ever share in our lives?
There are words which might come close to describing some of the above but can a word ever really capture them truly and fully? I doubt it.

Maybe that’s why, sometimes when we so want to express something we are at a loss for words.
Maybe that’s why some of the most memorable and best moments of our lives are those spent in silence.
In articulate, meaningful, throbbing, vibrant and lively silence.

GROSS!

Saw Texas Chain Saw Massacre! Sheesh! What a gory movie!!!!
Why on earth do guys dig such craazzyyyy movies :-((

Mazhai Mazhai!

Its raining!
I smelt it and knew before I saw it!
One of my favourite smells-Rain and Earth smell the same back home too :-)
And I am sitting in my cozy room-so its good:-)

Mood Off!

I had to call the help desk at my office in the morning and they put me on hold.
What a ssaaaddd music to play as the On Hold tune!!
I dont know if it is a famous piece of music but it was so melancholic that after listening to it for 5 minutes my heart felt so heavy!!!
Wonder who selected this one! Can't they keep something lively!

Follow up!

Everyone said my hair cut looked good :-))

Mane Matters

I had a hair cut today!

So now I lost all the straightened part of my hair and its back to wavy wavy.

Its still shoulder length-don't think short hair will suit me.

I always go in thinking that I will just get a plain, simple and neat style but I always give into temptation and get something else done ;-)

And I think so much about getting a haircut but after I do it, when I see my locks on the floor, i feel soooo guilty about cutting them off!

Oh well I think it looks good. If not-it will grow back anyways :-))

Mmmmmm!!!!

ParleG, Marie biscuit, Milk Bikis- all taste yummy when dipped in coffee and eaten when mushy mushy! Why am I saying this now??!
Coz I am having it right now(ParleG this time :-)).
And in McD style 'Am Luvin It!!'

Just a few silly questions.....

Why am I always confused?
Why do I always feel that I don’t have enough dresses-though I have a cupboard full?
Why do I hate apples when everyone else seems to adore?! (Yuck!)
Why is the sky sooo high?
Why can’t clouds be as soft and fluffy as they seem so that we could play cloud hopscotch?
Why is pink a girly colour?
Why do I always lose my hankies?
Why can’t all days be weekends?
Why do I think that the British accent is so cute? (Actually I know the answer to this-coz of Hugh Grant J)
Why are some people such insufferable fools?
Why do some people put incredible mokkai that you have to go Vadivelu style “same blood?!” (U can’t point at me now-this is my blog, I have every right to say anything, even if it is aruvai no.1!)
Why did Ramarajan always dress in bright violent colours?
Why should all good things come to an end? (Don’t tell me coz best things have to start happening-I am very much satisfied with the good one itself, thank you very much.)
Why did I quit Eng Lit and study engineering? (Something I will regret forever)
Why should everyone come first?
Why can’t I become a baby again?
Why does life always surprise you nastily with unexpected twists just when you are perfectly comfortable?
Why can’t I stop rambling like this on and on?! (STOP!)

Seruppu Sogam:-(

Shoulders squared, chin held high, eyes bright, I stepped off the escalator confidently - slid,skip,slide-balance! One moment I was the picture of the new age woman and then I was floundering to stand still :-( I glanced down at my sandals and there lay the culprit! The heel was broken.I managed to walk safely back to my place and sat thinking about my sad slipper saga.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I have never been lucky with footwear.Except when I was wearing canvas shoes to school, all other footwear have always betrayed me.My canvas shoes used to last for a couple of yrs though they decidedly looked dog eared at the end.But anything else? Couple of months is a big deal! Whether they are from high end stores like Metro, Bata or middle range like Khadims, Durable or Pondy bazaar, T.Nagar platform -all desert me in a couple of months. Sports shoes or peep toes or sandals or cut shoes- with/without straps or buckles or laces or wht not! Nope no use!
How did Cinderella manage to dance with glass slippers??!
And how do all those Salsa dancers prance around with those stilettos?!!

This lands me in the most uncomfortable and embarrassing situations- like when I am running to catch the bus. Suddenly am running in full speed and then am limping along as if I got a sudden attack of paralysis!
Or in the middle of a work day in office. And i need to borrow someone else's even to go to the loo!!!! Shucks!!

My neighbourhood cobbler must have earned his living coz of me.
And I earned everyone's wrath in my home-coz the shoe racks are so full of my shoes.I always keep backups there-knowing how undependable my shoes are!
Ithu pothathunnu comments vaera " Oh maasa maasam puthu seruppa?!! Nee kalakku ma!" @###$%%!!!!!!!!!!!
And this fateful story continues across continents! Shoes I got in UK, shoes I got in US-SAME!!!Gimme a break! What is the matterrrrr???? Scissor feet??! The way I walk?? Agreed I have a..er.. mmm.. how to I say it? Peculiar kind of walk??!!But that cant be cured! So am I doomed to buying 2 pairs of shoes every 2 months??? Boo Hoo!
The only ones which seem to last a little longer are the school girlish canvas shoes or the flippish flappish hawaii slippers-and am not wearing those!!!

Introvert Introspection

I was having a chat with a friend of mine and was told very sincerely “If you don’t go to this event ppl will think that ur an introvert” OK. So??
I mean I need to be worried if ppl think that am a murderer. I need to be worried if ppl think that I’m a suicidal pyscho. But why in the world should I worry if ppl think that I am an introvert?? What is wrong with that??
So I googled this and whoa! So many articles on this!
Looks like all my fellow introverts face the same plight :-(
Why shouldn't one be an introvert?
Just because the ppl who get noticed most are extroverts, why view introversion as a shortcoming?
Why do introverts get labeled as anti social or mean or weird or loner or loser?
In fact many ppl have thought/think that am arrogant-simply coz I don’t prefer to open up soon or coz I don't mingle easily.
After all its just a matter of preference.
Just as I prefer chicken over fish, just as I prefer oranges over apples, I prefer to spend time with myself . I love to read, write, paint, cook, watch movies and a whole lot of other things which I enjoy doing by myself.
Mind you, I do have friends. A small group of special ppl and yes I do like to hang out with them too. But not every other day! I like travelling -once a month maybe. And I have absolutely no issues about going out by myself-either for a walk or for shopping- I enjoy my company. I like being alone with my thoughts. I’d rather be backstage than in the spotlight. Whats so bad about that?
I don’t feel bad that I am not mobbed by ppl always! I don’t feel sad to spend my weekends cozily at home! In fact I need it-otherwise I would just go crazy. I may feel lonely at times- but there are umpteen other reasons for that. I could feel lonely even with a group of people. Its not just coz I spend my time with myself.
Having friends, going out, socializing is important. I agree. But I also feel that spending time with yourself is equally important.
To quote from an article I read online by Brian Kim “Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted.
Do introverts stay true to who they are and risk social alienation and isolation or do introverts conform and join the extroverted side, pretending to be somebody they’re not just to fit in?
Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.”
In fact, even I was surprised to know that there are quite a famous lot of introverts to cheer me up! Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin, Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods!! Wow! Sounds good!!
The bottom line is Introverts are perfectly fine. We do not need to be fixed. Just let us be. We like the way we are.

Dark Whispers

I drift,

All alone, dreary and desolate,

Amidst empty words and broken promises,

Forgotten deeds and shattered dreams.

Soothing words no longer whisper in my ears,

Hear the vultures call instead.

Gentle touches no longer caress me,

Instead, cruel hands drag me down.
Fate has surrendered me to Despair.

Thorns that bleed my heart and drink my soul,

I have found.

Thoughts that curse my mind and feed on my tears,
I am left with.

Will you smile, to hear me cry?

Will you laugh, to see me die?

Victim of situations,

Sacrifice, at the Altar of Society, I know not.

Oh Sweet Agony!
Leave me alone,
Give me peace…..
Let me sleep, forever.

Was last time The Last Time?

Recently I was feeling sad about how we hardly ever know whether it is the last time that we are doing something. For example, sometimes you think that you will never see a person again- but unexpectedly you bump into them somewhere when you least expect it. Or you may think that you will never come back to this place again- but surprise! Somehow fate leads you to the same place one fine day!

On the other hand, you would have done some stuff a thousand times and it eventually becomes so much of a routine that you don't even pause for a second to think 'What would I do if this is the last time that I can do this?'

But at the same time I think in one way this is better. I mean if we really knew the final time that something was happening, could we really be able to bear it? Like if you knew that you would never ever see a loved one again or that you would never walk again after this particular saunter or that this is your last day in this job of say 20 years and your going to be fired tomorrow- could we really handle that? I doubt it.Sometimes it is so much better not to know a lot of things!

The last time I gossiped and giggled with you, my friend,

I didnt think that it might be the last time- or maybe I would have laughed more?

The last time I hugged you, my mother,

I didn't think that it might be the last time- or maybe I would have held on tighter?

The last time I was fought with you, my brother,

I didn't think that it might be the last time- or maybe I would have forgiven you sooner?

The last time I walked with you, my father,

I didn't think that it might be the last time- or maybe I would have strolled longer?

The last time I ran in the rain and got thoroughly drenched,

The last time I had an ice cream, shivering on a cold winter day,

The last time I climbed a mountain and huffed and puffed all the way up,

The last time I saw the sun rise and paint the skies with streaks of dawn,

The last time I fell down fr0m my bicycle and scraped my knee,

The last time I played in the beach and went home all gritty and sandy

The last time I walked barefoot on wet grass and felt the dewdrops on my feet,

The last time I screamed myself hoarse to support my team,

The last time I smelt the intoxicating fragrance of soft white jasmine,

The last time I heard my grandma's lovingly old voice,

I didn't think that it might be the last time.

There are so many people in my life, whom I haven't met for a looongg time. The last time I met some of them, I never realised that I might not be seeing them again. In fact, I don't even know whether I will or wont! And there are so many things which I don't know if I will ever do again.

Suppose you come to know that you will become blind in 24 hrs, what are all the things and who are all the people whom you would want to see, one final time? Or suppose you come to know that you will become deaf? What and all and whom and all would you listen to? Or if you knew that you are going to be stricken dumb what all and to whom all would you speak? Or if you could never smell again, what all would you like to smell? Or touch, one final time?

Maybe we should appreciate Life more.

Nothing At All!

Well its been a loonngg time since I blogged anything – was just a little caught up with work and moving across continents et al.
And since I got such great feedback from everyone I really thought that I better write one soon if I don’t want ppl to forget me!
So here I am. But the tough part is to choose what to blog about. Hmmm let me seee….
The latest movie I saw? Though I liked it, considering the fact that it was released in 1989, I better skip that. Incidentally the movie was When Harry Met Sally- almost 20 yrs bck I suppose!
Next topic- The latest book I read? The Godfather- written sometime in the 70’s?! Looks like I am doing a lot of catching up nowadays! Next pls!
My latest trip? That was to Washington DC for the National Cherry Blossom festival. It was beautiful. The whole place was covered in pink and white blooms and really good.
Apart frm tht the usual White House, Capitol, Pentagon blah blah!
Come on this is not a travelogue- it’s a blog-move on!
So after much deliberation I thought oh let me write nothing. Nothing at all.
Then a brainwave struck me! Why not write about nothing at al??! In other words, or more specifically according to MS Word about zilch, naught, nil, nonentity!
Nothing as defined by wikipedia as the lack or absence of anything at all.
In fact its got a pretty interesting way of explaining the concept Do look it up.
For example, did you even think realize that the concept of nothing is so closely related to Nirvana??! Whew!

Nothing can actually mean a lot of things. Like when you have just fought with your buddy and there falls an ominous calm, you ask the person "what?" and he/she gives you a cold stare and says "Nothing" - Rest assured that the argument has not ended and will definitely continue pretty soon- sooner than you would expect, in fact! Or suppose your boss is givin you a lecture on one of his 'bright' ideas, and inside ur thinking 'censored for sensitive audiences' thoughts and he asks 'Any doubts?' , you could jus give a little shrug and say 'oh nothing boss! its perfect'- lets keep our fingers crossed and hope none of my bosses read this ;-) Or if your one of these kewl teenager types and jus dont have the patience to explain anything to anyone, you could give a contemptous flick of your head, raise a perfectly shaped eyebrow, give a 'God Save You For Being So Dumb' look and say 'Oh nothing! Forget it!' while chewing gum. Attitude, man!

Wow! U know wht? I never thought I could blabber so much about nothing at all!
After reading this, I do hope none of you would quote Ronan Keating/Alison Krauss and say to me, ‘You say it best, when you say nothing at all!!’

BLACK!

Had just taken the day off and was sitting at home doing nothing and so deceided to blog about Black- not about the movie Black but rather about about my favourite colour!
Black is popularly associated with the Devil and Dark Deeds. Afterall how many demonic witches and mean villains have we seen flaunting black! There are a lot of superstitions surrounding black- if a black cat crosses your path its bad luck, if you happen to see a totally black raven its supposed to signal sorrow, a black dot is supposed to ward off dhrishti etc! It seems there is even a ritual practiced in Palakkad for pregnant women, which involves the lady all dressed in black! In fact it usually symbolizes mystery and the unknown but for me it epitomizes simple elegance and confident style. Every time I go shopping I invariably choose some black dress or other at once - much to my mom’s consternation! She doesnt allow me to wear black on any auspicious occasion :-(
But seriously I believe that very few things could be more calming than gazing onto a black velvet night sky, studded with a thousand stars winking back at you and a shy moon playing peek-a-boo!
Black looks black coz it absorbs all the light without reflecting anything back.
And also it’s the best heat emitter. Now try wearing black on a hot summer’s day! Whewwww!
Black has a lot of significance in the world. Everyone must have heard about Black Boxes and Black Holes.
But have you ever wondered why one of the highest belts awarded in Karate is the Black Belt?
Because in Japan Black is considered as a sign of experience and wisdom!
In Hinduism, the much loved God Krishna was supposed to be black though he is depicted a shade of dark blue in pictures. And it is said that he was always surrounded by Gopikas! Afterall though India is obsessed with fair skin, the saying goes Tall, Dark & Handsome right?! I guess I should close this blog with the famous Tamizh song 'Karuputhan enaku pudicha colouruuuuu!!!"

Movie Magic!

Am not a great movie buff but out of the limited number of movies that I have seen I reeeaaalllyy love all Mani Rathnam ones. I have seen almost all his creations starting from the Murali-Revathy starrer Pagal Nilavu to Abhishek-Aish Guru, and not jus once but a lot many times. And mind you not only the ones which were hits- I even liked the ones which bombed at the box office, like Dil Se and Thiruda Thiruda. I admire his understated, crisp, elegant and subtle way of film making. It came as a striking contrast in an era of melodrama, when everything was loud- people, their voices, their clothes, their dialogues etc- much more suited to the stage than to cinema. In fact, there has been many jokes about his style of filming saying that one can hardly hear or see anything in Mani Rathnam’s movies!
I believe that his movies deal with everyday subjects, be it Patriotism as in Roja, Friendship & Loyalty in Thalapathy, Terrorism as Dil Se, Religious Fanatiscm as in Bombay, the finer nuances of a husband-wife relationship as in Mouna Raagam, Love & Responsibilities as in Alaipayuthay or the intricate Mother-Child bond as in Kannathil Mutthamittal or Social Awareness as in Aayutha Ezhuthu or even the simple love between siblings in Anjali with such sensitivity,without being patronizing or preachy.
They might not lead to a practical end- afterall I doubt if any one would go around like Arvind Swamy in Bombay’s climax or for that matter in Roja’s end- but thts ok as far as I am concerned, coz I hate tragic endings :-( Whtever horrors happen in the movie I always want a happy ending. Don’t wanna go home with a long face and a drooping heart after al!
Mani Rathnam’s movies might not appeal to the realist but they certainly appeal to my heart. Not surprising coz they deal with human emotions more than anything else. His characters stand etched in memory. They make me smile, cry, triumph, love and ponder.
Who can forget the playful and care-free Manohar of Mounaragam? When he is shot dead you jus cant help wishing it wasn’t that way. One can empthasize with Mohan when his wife shuns him coz of her failed past. But finally when the married couple unites in true filmy fashion, the hopeless romantic in me rejoices!
Or the powerful and commanding Velu Naicker? The touching scene when he makes a school going prostitute as his life partner. You feel a father’s pain and a daughter’s angst when his daughter herself confronts him and says that she is afraid to be with him. The question that Velu Naicker’s grandson asks in court ‘Neenga nallavara kettavara?’ is such a poignant moment- it reminds me that not all questions in life have answers and that Life is not jus black & white but therein lies various shades of grey.
Or the innocent and adorable Anjali? You can feel the longing of Revathy when her mentally challenged daughter fails to acknowledge her mother while still accepting total strangers. When Anjali’s sister desperately tries to shake her awake, you too mentally will her to get up.
Your heart aches for the abanded child and the helpless mother in Thalapathy. And you feel almost as proud as Mamooty to have a friend like Rajni!
And when the rampage and looting takes place in Bombay and the little boy throws up simple questions on God and Religion, which have complex answers to them, it makes you wonder why indeed does all this happen? Why are human beings so narrow minded and selfish? Is all this carnage really necessary? I can jus go on and on!
Another strong point of Mani Rathnam’s movies is music. Be it the Maestro Illayaraja or the Genius Rahman, almost all the songs in his movies are beautiful and evergreen. And definitely cinematography too. It lends an aesthetic appeal to his movies.After having watched his latest Guru more than a year back, I am now alongwith thousands of others, eagerly waiting for his next movie and the complexities, relationships and emotions involved with it, from the director who has touched my soul with his magic.

Culinary Escapades!

Cooking is a routine for some while its an art for others. I would say that its an adventure for me! I started cooking about a year back and though quite a few dishes have come out pretty well, I have had my share of disasters too :-)

I had lived alone in Uk for a short while and was in the process of experimenting with different dishes. So once when I was trying to do stuffed okra, I let it get burnt. This resulted in a lot of smoke and as I was desperately trying to open the determinately stuck kitchen window, the smoke alarm started shrieking! Now I was living in a quite locality and it was around 10 in the night. So I succeeded in waking up the entire apartment and everyone was bewildered and panicky! Finally I somehow managed to put it off and pacified them!

The other day, I tried my hand at making gulab jamuns. Hope you know that gulab jamun is a traditional Indian sweet, made up of fried balls of flour soaked in sweet, sugary syrup. Its a pretty easy dish to make and so I decided to go ahead with it. Now I had no idea that the jamuns increase in size when fried-so I rolled them up quite big and when I fried them they doubled in size! I also didnt know that they need to be fully immersed in oil to retain their shape. So the part in the oil was nice and round and the part above was all oblong! Finally I didnt know at what point I need to stop heating the sugar syrup. I transferred the jamuns to the syrup bowl and left them to soak in the same cooking vessel. So the syrup got too thick- when I came to have one tasty jamun, I found to my horror that they had all stuck to the vessel! So finally I had to soak them in water and scrape and scrub everything off :-(

So all I learnt was How Not To Make Gulab Jamun!

But these instances have not reduced my urge to cook and I have been continuing my trials with a fair part of errors!